Survival In The Black

To let go isn't to forget, not to think about, or ignore. It doesn't leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn't about winning or losing. It's not about pride and it's not about how you appear, and it's not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn't blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and it doesn't leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness. It's not about giving in or giving up. Letting go isn't about loss and it's not about defeat. To let go is to cherish the memories, but to overcome and move on. It is having an open mind and confidence in the future. Letting go is learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It's about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It is

You could never know what it's like Your blood like winter freezes just like ice And there's a cold lonely light that shines from you You'll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use And did you think this fool could never win Well look at me, I'm coming back again I got a taste of love in a simple way And if you need to know while I'm still standing you just fade away Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid I'm still standing after all this time Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind - Im Still Standing – Elton John Bel curled her leg around his as he wrapped his arms around her. Naked, sweaty bodies pressed against each other. Hearts just now returning to their normal beat while their breathing softened to contented sighs. Her nails trail along his chest, curling over pecs and down his stomach while she brushed her cheek against his shoulder. She co

“Any change, any loss, does not make us victims. Others can shake you, surprise you, disappoint you, but they can't prevent you from acting, from taking the situation you're presented with and moving on. No matter where you are in life, no matter what your situation, you can always do something. You always have a choice and the choice can be power.” -Blaine Lee “How long will you be gone?” Taia bounced Jonas on her thigh gently, the child giggling and grabbing at her long hair while he chewed on his hand. She looked at Bel curiously, the tribe clothes gone, replaced with a long skirt, a tank top and sandals. In the short time Taia started living on Hale’s, she had assimilated quite nicely. Her eyes still held the sadness of a lost mate. And at night, Bel could hear the soft sobbing of grief coming from the room downstairs. “I don’t know, Sayasi. It will take awhile to get there. Then there is the short medical training, Sea and Sabrina’s wedding. A few days, maybe a week.” She

“I'm a believer in that, ... I am a great believer in found families and I'm not a great believer in blood. Although I love my family, even the ones I grew up with, to me I've always felt that the people who treated you with respect and included you in their lives were your family and the people who were related to you by blood might happen to be those people but that correlation was a lot less [strong] than society believes it is.” -Joss Whedon “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WONT TREAT ME!?” The Browncoat soldier bellowed at Bel as she casually typed into her cortex, her eyes glancing from screen to soldier to screen again. “What are you? One of those purple belly supporters? I was told you would help!” He gripped his arm and grimaced as the blood soaked through the cloth wrapped around it. It was a simple knife wound. Nothing major. The only thing making it bleed was the fact he was bellowing and gripping the arm as if it was going to fall off. Bel recognized him. Knew what ship

“Passion, it lies in all of us, sleeping... waiting... and though unwanted... unbidden... it will stir... open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us... guides us... passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love... the clarity of hatred... and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion maybe we'd know some kind of peace... but we would be hollow... Empty rooms shuttered and dank. Without passion we'd be truly dead.” - Joss Whedon Bel’s eyes opened to the darkness and she stretched slowly in bed, the tightness of muscles the only reminder of the night before. That and the deep snoring beside her. She smiled a bit before she sat up, the sheets falling from her bare body and pooling at her waist. She turned slightly and looked down at the sleeping form next to her, the corner of her mouth turning up in a half smile while she looked over his naked frame

When you're at the end of the road And you lost all sense of control And you're throughts have taken their toll When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul Your faith walks on broken glass And the hangover doesn't pass Nothing's ever built to last You're in ruins. 21 Guns – Green Day Bel stared out her window as she cradled Jonas to her. He snored softly against her neck as she rubbed along his back, inhaling his soft baby scent as she watched nothing pass by. She thought about the past few days, how she found a moon for her people. How the Chief looked at her, his aged face showing his years as he thanked her for saving them. How Taia wanted to go with her to Hale’s and start a new life. So now, she has Taia and Jonas staying in her apartment while she thought about what to do next. The destruction of her home planet, the eradication of almost all her people. She was as lost and confused as everyone else. After coming back from helping the tribe, she went in sear

There are places I'll remember All my life, though some have changed Some forever, not for better Some have gone and some remain All these places had their moments With lovers and friends, I still can recall Some are dead and some are living In my life, I've loved them all But of all these friends and lovers There is no one compares with you And these memories lose their meaning When I think of love as something new Though I know I'll never lose affection For people and things that went before I know I'll often stop and think about them In my life, I'll love you more Though I know I'll never lose affection For people and things that went before I know I'll often stop and think about them In my life, I'll love you more In My Life – The Beatles Bel screamed out the door of the Nightingale to the tribe, shoving as many as she could into the small transport. Nina and the other warriors held off the Reavers while Bel scurrie

And I hear them saying you'll never change things And no matter what you do it's still the same thing But it's not the world that I am changing I do this so this world will know That it will not change me. The Change – Garth Brooks Bel looked in the mirror and traced her fingers along her hair, eyes taking in the now bleached bangs and red hair that was chopped short around her head and face. The weekend spent on Persephone did her well. She caught up with Sarah and Walter, old patients and new contacts. It was Sarah’s idea to go to this fancy place usually reserved for companions. The money helped a lot even though Bel’s opinion of companions changed significantly over the past few months. She wouldn’t say she disliked them, just the idea of them. The fact that most thought they were better than everyone and all they cared for was the credits. She had yet to meet one that had a heart of gold. Just ones that cared for their own bottom line. “You look beautiful, Ms. Carver.