Survival In The Black

 A former life of space and cowboys, reavers and companions. A former life that ended in pain for the player and a sense of distrust in others. Drifting through existence like a leaf on the wind. That life is over. And the past posts is like a former life, a past life that formed my world today.  Feel free to read the past posts but for now on, its all about Beladonna Kintsugi. Glued together by gold.  ~The Player

 Has it really been 13 years since I last updated this blog? Damn! Time flies while life goes on. I actually forgot I started this blog while I was a Firefly role player and I spent the evening reading my posts. Damn, I was impressed. I was actually pretty good. Not write my own book and sell it good but good for short stories maybe.  So much of my life has passed by. My nephew, the love of my life, came out as trans at 13. My whole life has been in support of him and his dreams whatever they are. He graduated this year which made me sob but in a good way. He's a smart kid with his whole life ahead of him. My brother's kids are smart cookies as well, I love them all so damned much. My father passed in 2018 from lung cancer and the effects of agent orange. Our relationship was never truly mended. I still think of him and in a way miss him. I had some health issues last year but Im feeling better now. Lost weight and am more active.  I dont know what I am going to do with this. N

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." Rose Kennedy. Dear Diary, Life is a wondrous and crazy thing isn't it? Just when you were at your lowest and you thought it couldn't get any better, it does. It surprises the hell out of you and decides to make a big fat liar out of your beliefs. Its been wonderful for me lately. I opened a shop on a new world. Business has been good. I stopped practicing medicine. I have met someone amazing who makes my heart skip a beat every time he looks at me. And I have the bestest friends anyone could ever have. I have learned to trust again. And I have made a great life for myself. Sure, I miss my old friends. But it comes down to what is right for me. I am far away from Reavers... in fact, I havnt seen or heard reavers since I came here. Im happy. Bel

Out of the black, a familiar face appears. A lot more scars from battles, and being wrestled to the ground by the Fates and various other dieties that seem to want something to do with her. Yet her spirit and soul are intact. Odd that with as much that as happened to her they seem to be the only things unscarred. The life she now leads brings her a joy she couldnt fathom. A brother who sees her whenever she feels the most invisible. Singing the song about sunshine and gray skies. Always laughing at her lame jokes and never once making her feel less important than anyone else. He said she needed an ego. An ego as big as the verse. Seems she didnt have much of one. And that made him sad. And she would do anything for her Rockstar. So an ego she got. Shiny and new and even though its new born, she can feel it getting stronger with each day. And she gained a sister, so dear and amazing. She lights up the room. Her Rockstar and her making her Sissy laugh, every day better than the last. Al

It's time to forget about the past To wash away what happened last Hide behind an empty face Don't ask too much the same 'Cause this is just a game - Beautiful Lie – 30 Seconds To Mars Bel shut off the cortex, feeling better after talking to Sea and Sabrina. She sat back in her chair and looked out the window at the busy world outside and she contemplated everything that led up to this moment. Everything from the moment of her father’s death to the minute she left Hale’s Moon. Every second moving in her head like a movie on flash forward. The emotions she was expecting to feel never came and she smiled, knowing that she was finally content and happy where she was. She had gotten a cortex letter from Xaviar the night before. Bridgette and himself finally tied the knot and not only that, they found out Bridge was four months pregnant. The Captain and the crew of the Golden Dawn were finally coming into their own. Making a legit business deal with a few traders on some moons

It's time to forget about the past To wash away what happened last Hide behind an empty face Don't ask too much the same 'Cause this is just a game - Beautiful Lie – 30 Seconds To Mars Bel shut off the cortex, feeling better after talking to Sea and Sabrina. She sat back in her chair and looked out the window at the busy world outside and she contemplated everything that led up to this moment. Everything from the moment of her father’s death to the minute she left Hale’s Moon. Every second moving in her head like a movie on flash forward. The emotions she was expecting to feel never came and she smiled, knowing that she was finally content and happy where she was. She had gotten a cortex letter from Xaviar the night before. Bridgette and himself finally tied the knot and not only that, they found out Bridge was four months pregnant. The Captain and the crew of the Golden Dawn were finally coming into their own. Making a legit business deal with a few traders on some moons