A Brand New Life

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." Rose Kennedy.

Dear Diary,

Life is a wondrous and crazy thing isn't it? Just when you were at your lowest and you thought it couldn't get any better, it does. It surprises the hell out of you and decides to make a big fat liar out of your beliefs.

Its been wonderful for me lately. I opened a shop on a new world. Business has been good. I stopped practicing medicine. I have met someone amazing who makes my heart skip a beat every time he looks at me. And I have the bestest friends anyone could ever have.

I have learned to trust again. And I have made a great life for myself. Sure, I miss my old friends. But it comes down to what is right for me. I am far away from Reavers... in fact, I havnt seen or heard reavers since I came here. Im happy.


Bel

Out of the black, a familiar face appears. A lot more scars from battles, and being wrestled to the ground by the Fates and various other dieties that seem to want something to do with her. Yet her spirit and soul are intact. Odd that with as much that as happened to her they seem to be the only things unscarred.

The life she now leads brings her a joy she couldnt fathom. A brother who sees her whenever she feels the most invisible. Singing the song about sunshine and gray skies. Always laughing at her lame jokes and never once making her feel less important than anyone else. He said she needed an ego. An ego as big as the verse. Seems she didnt have much of one. And that made him sad. And she would do anything for her Rockstar. So an ego she got. Shiny and new and even though its new born, she can feel it getting stronger with each day.

And she gained a sister, so dear and amazing. She lights up the room. Her Rockstar and her making her Sissy laugh, every day better than the last. Always there with a hug and always there for a shoulder. She never feels as though she has to bottle it in. She trusts her sister and brother far more than she trusts herself even.

She has regained things since being with her new family. Writing has become easier, words from pen flowing like streams down a mountain. Easily flowing onto paper and bringing happiness and smiles from those she loves.

Yet in her mind she still wishes for the closeness of her past life family. Wishing to embrace her ninja sister and wonderful mechanic sister. To fuzzle the hair of a certain urchin. To giggle and dance with her bar owning kitty sister.

But she knew she chose this. Wanted this. Had to have this. Because she was slowly being poisoned. Day by day she was living each minute wondering why she was still around. So it was time to go. Time to live a new life.

Time to live.

It's time to forget about the past
To wash away what happened last
Hide behind an empty face
Don't ask too much the same
'Cause this is just a game

- Beautiful Lie – 30 Seconds To Mars


Bel shut off the cortex, feeling better after talking to Sea and Sabrina. She sat back in her chair and looked out the window at the busy world outside and she contemplated everything that led up to this moment. Everything from the moment of her father’s death to the minute she left Hale’s Moon. Every second moving in her head like a movie on flash forward. The emotions she was expecting to feel never came and she smiled, knowing that she was finally content and happy where she was.

She had gotten a cortex letter from Xaviar the night before. Bridgette and himself finally tied the knot and not only that, they found out Bridge was four months pregnant. The Captain and the crew of the Golden Dawn were finally coming into their own. Making a legit business deal with a few traders on some moons and planets transporting goods from one post to another. Not the highest paying job, but its legit and less dangerous. Especially since Bridge was expecting.

She could hear Taia and Jonas playing upstairs, the young mother spending more and more time with a local market man down in the shopping district. The young man knowing the details of Taia’s husband’s horrid death, and willing to go as slow as it takes. Jack, the young man, adored Jonas and Bel could tell he adored Taia just as much.

Walter, a few days before, proposed to Sarah. It sounded more like a business proposition and less romantic than it should. But to know Walter would know that it was the most beautiful business proposition he could muster up. Sarah said yes, of course, and they plan on a winter wedding. Bel as maid of honor and Taia as a bridesmaid. Sarah had been pouring over everything like a giddy young girl. Taia asked her if it was okay for a Shepherd to get married, and Sarah said yes, cause even Shepherds need family.

Her reverie was cut short by the buzzing at the door, her head turning slightly to look into the house while she took a sip of tea, letting the taste of tea, sugar and cream fill her while she listened to Sarah answer the door, the familiar voice of Alex Miraconi filling the room.

“Is Bel Carver here?” Sarah answered him by saying that Bel was on the balcony. The sound of heavy footsteps moved closer until Alex sat down at the table next to her. She glanced up as she took a sip of tea and smiled at him before she spoke.

“Im glad you could make it on short notice, Alex.”

He smiled at her, noting that she used his first name. “Well, when you call, I must answer.” His smile was roguish and alluring and Bel couldn’t help chuckle at the man while she sipped her tea. When she finished she set the cup down and looked at him. “I assume you have your answer on whether you are going to join us. I have been waiting with bated breath.”

Bel looked around before looking back at Alex and nodding her head. “I have my answer. But I must require some things before accepting.” She saw the look in his eyes and how he figured she would say yes. “Any news of Xaviar is to keep from the Alliance. He is married with a child now and I will not let him be harmed.” Alex nodded in agreement before Bel started on. “I can leave at any time. For any reason.” He looked a little more pained at this before he nodded. “And last, as the medic on your ship, I have final say on how I handle my decisions.”

“You seem to have a lot of conditions to this, Bel. But we agree to these conditions. Only because we want you on.” He shoved himself from the table and stood up. “Welcome to the Order, Belize Carver.”

The End…



And that is the end of Bel’s story. It wasn’t an easy decision. But since I am no longer playing Bel on the Firefly sims there was no reason to keep her story going. Thank you for my dearest friends who encouraged me and stood by me through all this. And always remember that emotions are not a bad thing. Never let one person tell you that what you are feeling is wrong. With that, my time on Firefly was not only fun but a great learning experience but I feel that I will not do anymore Roleplaying on Second Life. Thank you all and I leave you with this quote from George Washington…

“Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation.”

“All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, to make it possible.”
- T.E. LAWRENCE


Bel tightened the sash of her jacket after she stepped out of the truck, her eyes moving around before settling on a man sitting alone on a bench. He fit the description. Black hair, scary looking, dressed in black. She took a deep breath and glanced at Walter, he nodded and stayed at the car while she walked over, her boots stomping lightly in the puddles of the street before she finally turned and sat down on the bench next to the man.

A few minutes went by before she spoke, her head turned to watch him out of the corner of her eye. “Mr. Miraconi?”

“Miss Belize Carver. Daughter of Jonas and Geneva Carver. At last we meet.” His voice was soft and silky and it made Bel’s muscles tense and ache as she sat there, wondering how this man knew of her. “You have been difficult to get a handle on, Miss Carver. I trust you wont be using that on me today?”

Bel looked down at her hand, the booster gun already in hand. Her finger on the trigger, hand shaking and making the dark green goo in the syringe wiggle and shake with the vibration. She knew her face showed calm even though her mind was tense with awareness.

She pulled the gun away and put it in her pocket before pulling out her hand; she could sense the man’s eyes watching her. She glanced back up at him and took a good look at him. Brown eyes, black hair with touches of white at the temples and peppered along the short military cut. He looked harmless. But Bel had been deceived before and she leaned back to look at him fully. “What do you want with me, Mr. Miraconi? If its money, Im afraid it wont be easy.” Her arms crossed and she saw him smile bemusedly at her.

“No, not money. I want you to work with us. I know your distaste of the Alliance. But we aren’t exactly Alliance. We sort of work with them.” He must of noticed the look on her face before continuing. “You wont be working for the Alliance. That we can assure you right now. You will be working with the Alliance.”

“Mr. Miraconi…” She started before being interrupted.

“Call me Alex, Miss Carver.”

Bel looked at him and didn’t offer him to use her first name, that fact noted as she continued on and he smiled a bit roguishly.

“Mr. Miraconi. Trust me when I say that I can make one cortex call and find out about you and what… organization you are working for.”

He chuckled and looked over his shoulder before leaning in a bit and smiling. “I know all about her. Who do you think pointed me your way?”

Bel’s eyes widened and her cool and calm look fell as she stared at him in surprise. “Really?” Her mind scrambled and she controlled her look. “So you know about…”

“Your cousin not being dead, how you took care of one Otis Miley and a Sergeant Lewis Armstrong. We know of a lot of things, Belize.” She was too surprised to notice he didn’t say Miss Carver.

“How?” She finally stammered after a few minutes of silence.

“Its what we do, Belize. We find out everything there is to know about a person we want to recruit. I know that you are the best damned doctor in the verse and you are basically self taught.”

Bel huffed and shook her head. “I am not the best damned doctor in the verse. Im mediocre at best. Im a spaghetti doctor. Work with what I have around me. And I am not even a doctor.”

“You can be.”

Bel’s eyes widened for the second time and then she narrowed her eyes. “What do I have to do?”

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing. You will come with us on… missions as medical help.” He stood up and smiled before handing Bel a card. She grasped it with her fingers and turned it to look at it. The only thing printed on the small card of white was a cortex number.

It took her completely by surprise when he leaned in and smiled at her. “There is something else we know as well.” He leaned in closer and Bel could smell the soft scent of soap and shampoo and something minty and clean from him as he whispered in her ear, the fan of his breath making her hair wiggle against her ear.

Bel gasped at the words and her mind exploded in knowledge as she tried to process it. The words were heard, but it just didn’t sink in as he straightened up and smiled down at her. She must of looked shocked because he nodded, his features softening as he looked down at her. “Call us, Belize Carver. We need you as much as you need us. Especially now that you lost your home.”

With a turn, he walked away, slipping into the shadows as Bel sat there at the bench, the card between her fingers while she looked out over at some random things. Not really focusing. Her mind processing the knowledge, the idea.

She must have been sitting there for awhile because Walter finally walked over and put a hand on her shoulder. She tore her gaze from the card in her fingers and looked up at him with a blank look before she blinked and smiled at him. “Are you okay, Miss Bel?”

Bel nodded as she stood up and slipped the card into her pocket before looking at Walter. “I… have some things to think about.” She took a deep breath as she walked slowly to the car. She didn’t know what to think of the events that transpired. Instead, she slipped into the car and sat back as Walter walked around and climbed in beside her.

She had already made up her mind. She was not returning to Hale’s. She was no longer needed and she knew it was time to move on. Maybe this was the best thing to happen. She pulled the card from her pocket and looked at it, rubbing her thumb across the digits in black while she mentally tossed the coin in her head again.

If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder without any such gift from the fairies, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in.
- Rachel Carson


Bel sat on the balcony and watched the comings and goings of the street below, the cup of tea cooling in front of her as well as the singular muffin on a plate. The sights and sounds so familiar as she remembers not too long ago she was in this same spot, watching the world go by. She was even wearing the same robe that Grei had given her, the kimono style silk robe colorful in its pattern.

The only difference was the small child cradled in her arms. Jonas nestled his little nose against her shoulder and huffed his cute little baby breaths while Bel watched the world rotate around them. She thought about everything that was going on, how she had contacted the man who was seeking her. This Alexander Miraconi. Bel cradled Jonas to her and then began to speak.

“Sometimes the world isn’t how you expect it to be, Jonas. Sometimes the people you care for the most doesn’t care about you at all. Sometimes they pretend and hurt you in ways that you don’t know if you will ever recover from. And sometimes there are people who are just plain… cruel.” She absently caressed over his soft hair while she watched people walk back and forth on the street.

“But sometimes you find that special person. Or people, that make you feel like you can accomplish anything. Their presence in a room makes you think that your whole world will straighten and finally move in the right direction. That you trust them with your whole heart. That without even realizing it, they become your family.”

She looked down at Jonas and caressed over his hair while she smiled. “Your Aunts Seana and Sabrina were that to me. They became my sisters of my heart, more blood than any blood sister could be. I would die for them, Jonas. I would sacrifice everything of myself to make sure they were happy.” She smiled. “When you find a connection that pure, that strong, stay with it.”

She looked back out at the street and smiled while she rocked Jonas in her arms. “And you will be a very well taken care little boy. Everything you want. Your Auntie Sarah and Uncle Walter will make sure you are always taken care of. And your momma… she will never have to worry about reavers or mutants again. And I will make sure you know how to get a hold of your Aunties Seana and Sabrina.”

“You act as though you wont survive the week, my child.” The voice was lyrical and sweet and motherly. A voice that made Bel smile and caress over Jonas’ hair again before letting him be lifted from her arms by Sarah and then settled down into a cradle nearby. Bel took a sip from her lukewarm tea as the older woman sat down. “What is wrong, Bel? You have been quiet and melancholy since you came home.”

Bel looked over her teacup and looked at the older woman who she had considered her second mother. No one can replace her mother. And she had always wished she knew her mother. But she wouldn’t. And she was glad she had Sarah for her maternal advice giver. She surveyed the older woman for awhile while she idly sipped her tea. Sarah knew that when Bel was quiet, she was thinking. The wheels in her head trying to sort through her thoughts.

Bel set her teacup down and looked up at Sarah before speaking seriously. “Im thinking of joining the Alliance.”

Sarah nearly dropped her own teacup, the startled look on her face turning into her voice cracking when she exclaimed. “What!? Are you out of your mind, child? Didn’t you always tell me that you would rather be dead than join them?”

Bel nodded a couple times before speaking. “I did. But… I want to be a doctor, Sarah. I want to be a doctor and the only way I can do that is to join the Alliance and go through the training. It’s the only logical suggestion. And I can help people. I can do my job with the Alliance, leave and go and help others. There is no other choice. No other choice for me.”

She rested back against the chair and sighed. “I don’t know what else to do. I actually had someone refuse treatment because I wasn’t a real doctor. I don’t have a fancy degree. I don’t have the education they have. Everything I learned, I learned on my own and from Father. Now it’s time to get that degree. I don’t want people dying just because Im not a doctor. Just because I don’t have that degree.”

Sarah had set her cup down and was staring at Bel with a mixture of surprise and sympathy before she slowly nodded at the younger girl. “I understand, Bel. I hope you know what you are doing.”

She shrugged as she looked out onto the city and sighed. “I don’t know what I am doing. But its something I have to do, Sarah.”

She silently hoped it was the right thing to do. Her gaze moving to the sleeping child and smiling softly. She sure as hell hoped it was the right thing.

I walk through life with my conscience clear. I have done no wrong that deserves conviction. Yet here I stand, convicted on heresy, my life in your hands and in your own tainted conscience. And at night, when I sleep peacefully, without regret, I will not think of you. But of those souls who have lifted me up, instead of destroying what friendship there could have been. ~ Elizabeth Monroe

Bel stepped off the ship, a man from the ship carrying hers and Taia’s back while Bel snuggled the sleeping Jonas across her chest. Taia followed behind and looked around in wonder at all the lights and sounds and sights that awaited her at the night strewn Persephone. It was all old news to Bel, having stayed quite awhile on the planet while she took care of business.

As Taia looked around at the new sights and sounds, Bel’s gaze was looking on the stretch car and driver sitting not far from her. His cap under his arm while he watched the people file off the large passenger ship, The Lincoln. She inwardly groaned and sighed as Walter stepped out of the car and smiled at her.

“Miss Belize! Welcome back to Persephone.” He walked up and kissed Bel on the cheek before caressing his hand over Jonas’ sleeping head. “And Little Jonas. Sarah will be tickled to have a baby in the house.”

Bel chuckled softly as she stopped, Taia moving up beside her and smiling at the older gentleman as she spoke. “At this rate, I will never see my son.” She took Jonas from Bel and nodded toward the car. “Is this our ride to your house?” She waited for Walter to nod before she smiled. “I will get the bags and Jonas in the car.” She smiles at Bel before moving off out of hearing range.

Walter looked after the younger girl and smiled before looking back at Bel, his smile faltering a bit before he sighed. “Sorry about the car, Miss Belize. Sarah took the jeep. It was the only car left.” He looked genuinely sorry and Bel shook her head before smiling.

“Its quite alright, Walter. I will see about getting another car.” She walked slowly with him as she spoke. “Has he returned?”

Walter knew what she was talking about and nodded his head. “He returned today. Asking if I had heard from you. I told him what you told me. That you will arrive here soon and to give you a couple days to rest from the trip before setting up a meeting. He left a way to contact him when you want to.”

“Did you get his name?”

“Yes, Miss Belize. Its Alexander Miraconi.”

Bel pulled out her cortex and tapped the name into a message before sending it. A couple of days should be enough time to find out what she needed to know. Knowing a few people on the black market had its advantages. Especially the ones that had ways of finding out things others don’t want you to know.

After the message was sent, Bel reached the car and looked at Walter. “There is something I must tell you, Walter. And I beseech you to never tell a soul. Because if you do, you will put many lives in danger.”

Walter nodded as the driver opened the door for Bel and the lawyer, his ruffled blond hair making him look younger than he probably was. She nodded to the driver before slipping inside, Taia already sitting down with Jonas curled against her side.

The drive to the house was informative. Bel told the story of her cousin, Xaviar and how he was still alive. Out in the Black on a ship that will not be named. He was happy and content and she planned on keeping it that way. She was willing to shoulder everything to keep those around her happy and content. Whether it be her cousin, her tribe, Seana and Sabrina and her other friends. Walter didn’t seem surprised. But he was surprised on how much Bel put on. He furrowed his brows in concern and even voiced that concern that Bel was going to kill herself with all this. Bel shook her head and shrugged, not saying anything, instead looking out the window at the passing scenery.

When they arrived at the house, she saw the jeep parked in the drive and she looked over at Walter, a smile on his face that reminded her of the smiles she sees between Sea and Sabs. Her own lips curled into a small smile as the car turned to park. The driver opened the door and everyone stepped out, Bel smiling as Sarah opened the door. Her long gray hair gone, instead it was replaced with a short coifed hairdo that seemed to enhance her features with their caramel brown locks. She looked 20 years younger.

“Sarah! You are looking amazing.” She wrapped her arms around the older woman and she kissed her on the cheek before whispering into her ear. “Im glad to see you so happy, Sarah.”

The older woman blushed and smiled as she looked past everyone to Walter, her arms wrapped around Bel in a hug that threatened to break a few of her ribs. When Sarah spotted the sleeping baby she let Bel go and walked over to coo at the sleeping child, caressing her fingers over the black curls while she smiled at Taia. “You must be Taia. Blessed child, Aunt Sarah will take care you both. You wont have to worry about a thing.”

Bel chuckled and smiled at Taia as she nodded. “Sarah is a Shepherd. Its in her blood to take care of others.” She grinned as she remembered another reunion and she grimaced a bit before smiling again. The grimace didn’t escape Sarah and she quirked a brow to the younger woman before smiling at Taia and hustling the young mother into the house.

Bel knew she will be having long talks with the woman she considered her second mother. But not tonight. Tonight was meant for sleeping. The past few days have been tiring and she needed to relax before going onto her next step.

Home is the one place in all this world where hearts are sure of each other. It is the place of confidence. It is the place where we tear off that mask of guarded and suspicious coldness which the world forces us to wear in self-defense, and where we pour out the unreserved communications of full and confiding hearts. It is the spot where expressions of tenderness gush out without any sensation of awkwardness and without any dread of ridicule. ~Frederick W. Robertson


Bel looked at the cortex message and hummed while she read over the words. She frowned slightly before shrugging her shoulders and shutting down the machine. She tossed it onto the bed and continued to pack her bag.

Seems about right. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. Just wish he would have had the guts to tell me to my face. All fine and dandy with an armada behind him. But scared to face a woman. BUN tyen-shung duh ee-DWAY-RO.

She took a deep breath as she turned to look at Taia and Jonas, the two looking out the window while Taia sang softly to the small child. She then took a look around the room and sighed.

“Are you about ready, Sayasi?” Bel closed up the bag and latched it closed before picking up the bag and pulling it over her shoulder. It was fairly heavy. But nothing Bel was used to.

Taia smiled as she looked over her shoulder and nodded to Bel before picking up the smaller bag. “All ready to go, Bel. How long will we be gone?”

Bel thought about the other letter. From Walter and she shook her head. “Don’t know, Taia. As long as it takes, I suppose. Could be a month or two. Maybe longer.”

The message from Walter spooked her. He asked for Xaviar first. As if he knew that her cousin was alive. But she knew that not many people knew he was alive. And she trusted them with her own life.

Taia looked at her as she shifted the cooing infant in her arms while she carried the bag behind Bel. “This will be my first stay in Persephone. I wonder what can be done there.”

“Lots of things, Taia. You will love Sarah and Walter. They helped me through a dark part of my life. Im hoping they can do that again.” She smiled, knowing that this time was not like the last time. At least she didn’t give away her heart. That was neatly locked inside a box next to her mother.

They boarded the rather large ship, Bel passing a large amount of credits to the captain before slipping into a passenger’s quarters.
The room was spacious for quarters. Two beds and a desk. The walls were the same grey as the rest of the ship, but Bel was used to that. She took a deep breath, essentially the last breath of fresh air for awhile. Lot of good that did considering it was stale ship scent. Bodies and sweat and dirt from the cargo nearby.

She plopped down on a bed and dropped her bag at her feet, her body leaning back on her hands while she watched Taia lay Jonas on the bed before doing the same. “So, this is home for awhile?”

“Only until we get to Persephone. After that it’s a beautiful room, with a crib for Jonas and a view that will knock your socks off. I already contacted Walter and Sarah about the arrangements.”

Taia smiled as she sat up before she looked Bel in the eye and quirked a brow. The girl was learning from the older sister way too quickly. Bel laughed and shook her head, knowing full well what Taia was hinting at. She stood up and shut the door, making sure to lock it securely. She pulled out a device from her bag and scanned the room, watching it while she swept the room. It was a great birthday present from Logan. The man does know how to shop for a girl.

When she found the room clean, she put the device back into her bag and sat back down on the bed. She sorted through her thoughts before looking back at Taia and speaking softly.

“You know my cousin, right?” She waited until Taia nodded before continuing. “About a year ago, I faked his death. The month I spent in the black was with him and his wife. He used to be a doctor with the Alliance. One of those tortured souls that realized that what he was doing was wrong. In every sense of the word. Didn’t help that he had to help torture a child to get information from him.” Bel stopped a minute and looked over at Jonas. “No one but a select few know he’s alive. Some suspect. But if they go looking, they are met with brick walls and run around. For all intents and purposes, Xaviar William Kiranov died in a reaver attack on a nearby moon.”

“So, the man on the ship is your cousin and he is supposed to be dead?” Taia watched Bel nod before nodding herself. “Okay... gotcha. What happened to spook you?”

“I got a message from Walter right after the ceremony. A man came looking for Xaviar. Or any descendant of my grandfather’s. Which means me.” Bel looked at Taia and nodded. “So, to get the heat off Xaviar, I am going to make myself available. To find out what this man wants from me and my family.”

Taia nodded slowly before looking at Bel. “What if he’s up to no good?”

“Then… I don’t know. But I have to deal with it the only way I know how. Head on. My family comes first. No matter what.”

Later on that night, as Bel laid down in her bunk to sleep, she found herself staring at the ceiling and thinking about the past few months. How the roller coaster of her life went up and then down before this very moment. How once again she finds herself away from home, the new home she worked for herself and she wondered when she was ever going to be able to just stay in one place.