The Pain..

Its getting worse. The migraine making my sight blur and my body ache. I sleep. But not because I have to. Just from the sheer exhaustion of making it through the day. I would rather get shot than live another day with this. Xav cant come back too soon. 

He's not far. Another day's travel. He seems excited with the new machinary. Docs and their toys. I am sure that if I was there, I would be just as excited. 

I have to wear sunglasses all the time. Not for embarassment of my eyes.. but because lights just hurt me. I am taking so much medication, I have to watch myself that I dont overdo it. Everything just lessens the pain.. Never numbing it. Always there underlying along the surface. 

I will be glad when I find out why I am in pain. Even my moods have been changing and I can feel it. Before.. it was so welcomed. Not feeling anything. Then... it scares me. And I know it scares my family. Scares the people I love. They dont show it. But I can tell. 

Colors swirl around them. Some of them, actually. The new guy... Xerox. He's dark. Just dark and I dont know... I dont get a good feeling from him. I have been wrong before. 

I just have to stay sane. Sane for another day.. two more days. I hope... I hope I can make it that long. 

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