Waking up is hard to do...

I stared at him in shock, awe, admiration, surprise and a touch of fear. I had never seen Xav so mad ever…

I couldn’t believe he was angrier at me refusing to go to the ball than he was me getting shot up!

“What the gorram hell are you trying to pull, Belize Mae?”

He used my full name. Well, without the last name. But close enough. I winced at the thought of him being angry. I loved him and didn’t want him disappointed at me. I glanced at Bridge, looking for any kind of sympathy. She shook her hand and signed “You got yourself into this, you get yourself out.” She promptly walked out of the room.

Great… Bridge abandoned me.

I knew I shouldn’t have told Xav the story. Luckily I left out the gun to my head part.

When I told Xav I wasn’t going to the ball, he blew up... calling me every cussword in the book and all in Mandarin so it sounded lyrical.

“There is no way I am operating on you now! Chufei wo si le! Ni bu dong ma? They love you there. They want you there. And even if you are going alone, you are going to that gorram ball!”

Wow… I never ever saw him this mad.

He pointed a finger at my shoulder and looked me in the eyes. “They don’t care what you look like, what you are going through or if you are going to die. You are loved and I never realized how much until now. You are yuben de if you think otherwise from them.”

He promptly turned and stormed out. Throwing his hands up and cussing like a storm.

I was… stupid and blind and I was committing suicide without even drawing a weapon. I had already resigned myself that I was going to die. And as a medic, I knew better. As a doctor… I knew much better. Going into something this altering… with a bad sense of mind. Its like poison. I think I am going to die. I die.

And I want to live. And since I have just one day. It’s time to start that. First… grovelings. I will have to grovel to Td soon.. but first. Immi. 

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