Survival In The Black

(Past Thoughts) Diversion, she said. Td and I had to cause a diversion. I didn’t know what Seana had up her sleeve or what she thought Td and I could do, but I suppose there was only one only option. One only alternative. Lover’s quarrel. I couldn’t stop my heart from beating hard and fast in my chest. I swore Td could hear it as we stood across the street from where Immi was being held. I held my breath and looked up at Td as he nodded then I exhaled it and stormed off into the street. It was supposed to be fake. Every feeling. But it all came out. Every feeling. I told him everything. Fiercely. Every feeling and every hurt he caused by leaving me. Then going to Immi. I loved them both. But this broke my heart. I felt I could never feel it beat again. But here I was, in the middle of a street, screaming at him. Telling him how I nearly died. And he… just stood there. And then he tried to calm me as I stood there blubbering and screaming in the street. Every fiber in my body was razor ...

I sat down at the bar at Fook’s, cracking open the ol’ book on the circulatory system. I have been coming to Fook’s mostly for the Green River water. Seems I went and gotten myself addicted to it. I hadn’t gotten far when I heard someone behind me. Immi… She asked for water, so I got her a glass of water. She said no… she needed more and headed to the hydrogarden. I followed her, tossing the water aside before chasing her. She was there, filling up a container with the hose and I asked her what she was doing. Going to the Wastes. And the way she was talking, she wasn’t gonna come back. Not allowed. I tried to talk her into taking me. She refused. The radiation would hurt me especially so soon after the surgery. She was hurt… angry… she was in love with Duncan as well. She loved both Td and Duncan and she was so torn and crazed with guilt that she wasn’t thinking straight. I didn’t want to do it. I had to. I gave her a sedative. Just walked up behind her and injected her. I kne...

I stared at him in shock, awe, admiration, surprise and a touch of fear. I had never seen Xav so mad ever… I couldn’t believe he was angrier at me refusing to go to the ball than he was me getting shot up! “What the gorram hell are you trying to pull, Belize Mae?” He used my full name. Well, without the last name. But close enough. I winced at the thought of him being angry. I loved him and didn’t want him disappointed at me. I glanced at Bridge, looking for any kind of sympathy. She shook her hand and signed “You got yourself into this, you get yourself out.” She promptly walked out of the room. Great… Bridge abandoned me. I knew I shouldn’t have told Xav the story. Luckily I left out the gun to my head part. When I told Xav I wasn’t going to the ball, he blew up... calling me every cussword in the book and all in Mandarin so it sounded lyrical. “There is no way I am operating on you now! Chufei wo si le ! Ni bu dong ma? They love you there. They want you there. And eve...