Survival In The Black

I can remember the very first time I cried How I wiped my eyes and buried the pain inside All of my memories - good and bad - that's past Didn't even take the time to realize Starin' at the cracks in the walls Cuz I'm waiting for it all to come to an end Still I curl up right under the bed Cuz its takin' over my head all over again Do you even know who you are? I guess I'm tryin' to find A borrowed dream or a superstar? I want to be a star Is life good to you or is it bad? I can't tell anymore Do you even know what you have? Lyin' awake watchin' the sunlight How the birds will sing as I count the rings around my eyes Constantly pushing the world I know aside I don't even feel the pain, I don't even want to try - Lonely Girl – Pink Belize sat on the pillow and gazed at the sleeping baby curled up in her arms. She tenderly curled her fingers through his dark hair and brushed her knuckles along his soft skin. She takes in little Jonas’ innoc...

How does it feel when you're lost and blind Loneliness is your only guide And how does it feel when you're black inside Numbness calls from your inner eye - Dead Inside – Danzig Hope springs eternal in the human breast; Man never Is, but always To be blest: The soul, uneasy and confin'd from home, Rests and expatiates in a life to come. Her father used to quote this beautiful passage by Alexander Pope to Bel over and over again until the girl had it down by heart. Able to recite it at the drop of a hat. She even believed it. She even believed the old Earth That Was fable of Pandora and her magic box. How all of the world’s ills escaped except for hope. Bel thought long and hard about that word. Hope. It has broken her heart more times than she can imagine. She had a hope for the future. She had a hope for love. She had a hope for a family. And she lost all of them. She lost hope for outside influences. All she had left is the hope that her cousin will be back. Hop...

She was crying as she lay down on the ground, her hand rubbing along the weather beaten stone that marked where her mother was buried. The etched words were dull with wear; the only lettering she could make out was Mama… She curled up in a ball as she spoke, fingers absently tracing the lettering while relayed to her mother the events of the past few months. She told her about Xaviar, how he basically saved her life and how she saved his. How she would be proud of him. And how she understood why she never told her about the family on Persephone. “I don’t know what to do, Mama. Im so confused as to where I should go. I love Immi with my heart and soul. Would kill and die for her as a sister should. But I don’t want to break her heart like this. I don’t want to follow my heart because it may break another’s that I care so much.” She closed her eyes and thought about the subject of her desires and recent dreams. How his eyes were dark with sadness, yet he smiled at her antics. How Duncan ...

What do you do when the person you talk to the most, is the one person you cant talk to at all? I am at such a loss. Immi has been gone. Gone to a coreworld for some gorram reason. Left me behind. Could of took backup. Td or even me. But no… lately she has been all about taking care of herself. Putting all the weight on her shoulders and hoping the weight will lighten as time goes by. Sometimes I get so angry at her and yet I want to take every bullet that is ever shot at her at the same time. I miss her like crazy right now. I wonder what she is doing. If she is okay. I get this… feeling something isn’t right. Something just doesn’t feel right. Td has been off on one of his little runs and I have been bouncing between Hale’s and Blackburne, taking care of medical business. My mind keeps trailing back to Immi… then the key tucked in my pocket at all times. The house my family lived in… my mama… my grandparents. Xaviar. Gods I miss him. I send him a cortex everyday. Asking how h...