Toss of a Coin
When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And you're throughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins.
21 Guns – Green Day
Bel stared out her window as she cradled Jonas to her. He snored softly against her neck as she rubbed along his back, inhaling his soft baby scent as she watched nothing pass by. She thought about the past few days, how she found a moon for her people. How the Chief looked at her, his aged face showing his years as he thanked her for saving them. How Taia wanted to go with her to Hale’s and start a new life.
So now, she has Taia and Jonas staying in her apartment while she thought about what to do next. The destruction of her home planet, the eradication of almost all her people. She was as lost and confused as everyone else. After coming back from helping the tribe, she went in search of her friends from the town. She has yet to find Jayne.. Tarlek.
The sound from her cortex woke her up from her reverie and she walked Jonas over to his crib and settled him in, covering him in his blanket before she walked up the stairs to her room and sat down at her desk. With a few simple flips of a switch, she looked up at the computer screen and smiled. “Baio ge.”
Her cousin looked relieved to see her. “Bel… thank the stars you are okay. I heard what happened to Blackburne. Are you okay?” The relief turned into concern as he looked at her through the screen.
Bel had spent every night since that horrible day crying, thinking of Nina and about her home and everything she lost. She was emotionally and physically tired and she didn’t know what else to do. She looked around and her apartment and then back at her cousin through the screen. It was time to tell the truth.
“Not good, Xaviar. I lost… my blood sister. My home world. I feel lost and I don’t know what else to do. I don’t even know if I want to practice medicine anymore. All this on top of an endless array of wounded and dead. People I knew. People I cared for. I just don’t know if I can do it anymore, Xav.”
“We can be there as soon as you want us there, Bel. Plumb will rush there to get you as soon as possible, you know that.”
“I know. Let me talk to Sea... she still wants to take me to Ariel. If that doesn’t work, I will go with you and the crew.”
This seemed to appease him as he nodded. “Bel. Im really sorry. So very sorry.”
She smiled softly to him and nodded. “Thank you, Xav. I will be okay. I got Mom. She’s buried here now. Sea let me have a special area. She would of liked it. I just wish..” She sighed. “I just wish my father was here.”
Xaviar looked at her and nodded, knowing full well why she wished it. Knowing there were no remains of her father to bury. And just being on Blackburne meant Bel was with her father. Now with no Blackburne… she didn’t have her father. But she knew he was there in spirit.
After they talked all about the ship’s adventures and how Bridge and him were getting married in the fall and how Bel’s little nephew was sleeping in the cradle downstairs, they disconnected and Bel stood up before undressing. She slowly removed her top and pants before crawling into bed, her gaze facing out the window into the night sky as she contemplated what to do next.
She already felt her life is on the edge of a coin toss. She just didn’t know how she was going to fair when the coin dropped.
And you lost all sense of control
And you're throughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins.
21 Guns – Green Day
Bel stared out her window as she cradled Jonas to her. He snored softly against her neck as she rubbed along his back, inhaling his soft baby scent as she watched nothing pass by. She thought about the past few days, how she found a moon for her people. How the Chief looked at her, his aged face showing his years as he thanked her for saving them. How Taia wanted to go with her to Hale’s and start a new life.
So now, she has Taia and Jonas staying in her apartment while she thought about what to do next. The destruction of her home planet, the eradication of almost all her people. She was as lost and confused as everyone else. After coming back from helping the tribe, she went in search of her friends from the town. She has yet to find Jayne.. Tarlek.
The sound from her cortex woke her up from her reverie and she walked Jonas over to his crib and settled him in, covering him in his blanket before she walked up the stairs to her room and sat down at her desk. With a few simple flips of a switch, she looked up at the computer screen and smiled. “Baio ge.”
Her cousin looked relieved to see her. “Bel… thank the stars you are okay. I heard what happened to Blackburne. Are you okay?” The relief turned into concern as he looked at her through the screen.
Bel had spent every night since that horrible day crying, thinking of Nina and about her home and everything she lost. She was emotionally and physically tired and she didn’t know what else to do. She looked around and her apartment and then back at her cousin through the screen. It was time to tell the truth.
“Not good, Xaviar. I lost… my blood sister. My home world. I feel lost and I don’t know what else to do. I don’t even know if I want to practice medicine anymore. All this on top of an endless array of wounded and dead. People I knew. People I cared for. I just don’t know if I can do it anymore, Xav.”
“We can be there as soon as you want us there, Bel. Plumb will rush there to get you as soon as possible, you know that.”
“I know. Let me talk to Sea... she still wants to take me to Ariel. If that doesn’t work, I will go with you and the crew.”
This seemed to appease him as he nodded. “Bel. Im really sorry. So very sorry.”
She smiled softly to him and nodded. “Thank you, Xav. I will be okay. I got Mom. She’s buried here now. Sea let me have a special area. She would of liked it. I just wish..” She sighed. “I just wish my father was here.”
Xaviar looked at her and nodded, knowing full well why she wished it. Knowing there were no remains of her father to bury. And just being on Blackburne meant Bel was with her father. Now with no Blackburne… she didn’t have her father. But she knew he was there in spirit.
After they talked all about the ship’s adventures and how Bridge and him were getting married in the fall and how Bel’s little nephew was sleeping in the cradle downstairs, they disconnected and Bel stood up before undressing. She slowly removed her top and pants before crawling into bed, her gaze facing out the window into the night sky as she contemplated what to do next.
She already felt her life is on the edge of a coin toss. She just didn’t know how she was going to fair when the coin dropped.
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