The Hardest Decision
If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder without any such gift from the fairies, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in.
- Rachel Carson
Bel sat on the balcony and watched the comings and goings of the street below, the cup of tea cooling in front of her as well as the singular muffin on a plate. The sights and sounds so familiar as she remembers not too long ago she was in this same spot, watching the world go by. She was even wearing the same robe that Grei had given her, the kimono style silk robe colorful in its pattern.
The only difference was the small child cradled in her arms. Jonas nestled his little nose against her shoulder and huffed his cute little baby breaths while Bel watched the world rotate around them. She thought about everything that was going on, how she had contacted the man who was seeking her. This Alexander Miraconi. Bel cradled Jonas to her and then began to speak.
“Sometimes the world isn’t how you expect it to be, Jonas. Sometimes the people you care for the most doesn’t care about you at all. Sometimes they pretend and hurt you in ways that you don’t know if you will ever recover from. And sometimes there are people who are just plain… cruel.” She absently caressed over his soft hair while she watched people walk back and forth on the street.
“But sometimes you find that special person. Or people, that make you feel like you can accomplish anything. Their presence in a room makes you think that your whole world will straighten and finally move in the right direction. That you trust them with your whole heart. That without even realizing it, they become your family.”
She looked down at Jonas and caressed over his hair while she smiled. “Your Aunts Seana and Sabrina were that to me. They became my sisters of my heart, more blood than any blood sister could be. I would die for them, Jonas. I would sacrifice everything of myself to make sure they were happy.” She smiled. “When you find a connection that pure, that strong, stay with it.”
She looked back out at the street and smiled while she rocked Jonas in her arms. “And you will be a very well taken care little boy. Everything you want. Your Auntie Sarah and Uncle Walter will make sure you are always taken care of. And your momma… she will never have to worry about reavers or mutants again. And I will make sure you know how to get a hold of your Aunties Seana and Sabrina.”
“You act as though you wont survive the week, my child.” The voice was lyrical and sweet and motherly. A voice that made Bel smile and caress over Jonas’ hair again before letting him be lifted from her arms by Sarah and then settled down into a cradle nearby. Bel took a sip from her lukewarm tea as the older woman sat down. “What is wrong, Bel? You have been quiet and melancholy since you came home.”
Bel looked over her teacup and looked at the older woman who she had considered her second mother. No one can replace her mother. And she had always wished she knew her mother. But she wouldn’t. And she was glad she had Sarah for her maternal advice giver. She surveyed the older woman for awhile while she idly sipped her tea. Sarah knew that when Bel was quiet, she was thinking. The wheels in her head trying to sort through her thoughts.
Bel set her teacup down and looked up at Sarah before speaking seriously. “Im thinking of joining the Alliance.”
Sarah nearly dropped her own teacup, the startled look on her face turning into her voice cracking when she exclaimed. “What!? Are you out of your mind, child? Didn’t you always tell me that you would rather be dead than join them?”
Bel nodded a couple times before speaking. “I did. But… I want to be a doctor, Sarah. I want to be a doctor and the only way I can do that is to join the Alliance and go through the training. It’s the only logical suggestion. And I can help people. I can do my job with the Alliance, leave and go and help others. There is no other choice. No other choice for me.”
She rested back against the chair and sighed. “I don’t know what else to do. I actually had someone refuse treatment because I wasn’t a real doctor. I don’t have a fancy degree. I don’t have the education they have. Everything I learned, I learned on my own and from Father. Now it’s time to get that degree. I don’t want people dying just because Im not a doctor. Just because I don’t have that degree.”
Sarah had set her cup down and was staring at Bel with a mixture of surprise and sympathy before she slowly nodded at the younger girl. “I understand, Bel. I hope you know what you are doing.”
She shrugged as she looked out onto the city and sighed. “I don’t know what I am doing. But its something I have to do, Sarah.”
She silently hoped it was the right thing to do. Her gaze moving to the sleeping child and smiling softly. She sure as hell hoped it was the right thing.
- Rachel Carson
Bel sat on the balcony and watched the comings and goings of the street below, the cup of tea cooling in front of her as well as the singular muffin on a plate. The sights and sounds so familiar as she remembers not too long ago she was in this same spot, watching the world go by. She was even wearing the same robe that Grei had given her, the kimono style silk robe colorful in its pattern.
The only difference was the small child cradled in her arms. Jonas nestled his little nose against her shoulder and huffed his cute little baby breaths while Bel watched the world rotate around them. She thought about everything that was going on, how she had contacted the man who was seeking her. This Alexander Miraconi. Bel cradled Jonas to her and then began to speak.
“Sometimes the world isn’t how you expect it to be, Jonas. Sometimes the people you care for the most doesn’t care about you at all. Sometimes they pretend and hurt you in ways that you don’t know if you will ever recover from. And sometimes there are people who are just plain… cruel.” She absently caressed over his soft hair while she watched people walk back and forth on the street.
“But sometimes you find that special person. Or people, that make you feel like you can accomplish anything. Their presence in a room makes you think that your whole world will straighten and finally move in the right direction. That you trust them with your whole heart. That without even realizing it, they become your family.”
She looked down at Jonas and caressed over his hair while she smiled. “Your Aunts Seana and Sabrina were that to me. They became my sisters of my heart, more blood than any blood sister could be. I would die for them, Jonas. I would sacrifice everything of myself to make sure they were happy.” She smiled. “When you find a connection that pure, that strong, stay with it.”
She looked back out at the street and smiled while she rocked Jonas in her arms. “And you will be a very well taken care little boy. Everything you want. Your Auntie Sarah and Uncle Walter will make sure you are always taken care of. And your momma… she will never have to worry about reavers or mutants again. And I will make sure you know how to get a hold of your Aunties Seana and Sabrina.”
“You act as though you wont survive the week, my child.” The voice was lyrical and sweet and motherly. A voice that made Bel smile and caress over Jonas’ hair again before letting him be lifted from her arms by Sarah and then settled down into a cradle nearby. Bel took a sip from her lukewarm tea as the older woman sat down. “What is wrong, Bel? You have been quiet and melancholy since you came home.”
Bel looked over her teacup and looked at the older woman who she had considered her second mother. No one can replace her mother. And she had always wished she knew her mother. But she wouldn’t. And she was glad she had Sarah for her maternal advice giver. She surveyed the older woman for awhile while she idly sipped her tea. Sarah knew that when Bel was quiet, she was thinking. The wheels in her head trying to sort through her thoughts.
Bel set her teacup down and looked up at Sarah before speaking seriously. “Im thinking of joining the Alliance.”
Sarah nearly dropped her own teacup, the startled look on her face turning into her voice cracking when she exclaimed. “What!? Are you out of your mind, child? Didn’t you always tell me that you would rather be dead than join them?”
Bel nodded a couple times before speaking. “I did. But… I want to be a doctor, Sarah. I want to be a doctor and the only way I can do that is to join the Alliance and go through the training. It’s the only logical suggestion. And I can help people. I can do my job with the Alliance, leave and go and help others. There is no other choice. No other choice for me.”
She rested back against the chair and sighed. “I don’t know what else to do. I actually had someone refuse treatment because I wasn’t a real doctor. I don’t have a fancy degree. I don’t have the education they have. Everything I learned, I learned on my own and from Father. Now it’s time to get that degree. I don’t want people dying just because Im not a doctor. Just because I don’t have that degree.”
Sarah had set her cup down and was staring at Bel with a mixture of surprise and sympathy before she slowly nodded at the younger girl. “I understand, Bel. I hope you know what you are doing.”
She shrugged as she looked out onto the city and sighed. “I don’t know what I am doing. But its something I have to do, Sarah.”
She silently hoped it was the right thing to do. Her gaze moving to the sleeping child and smiling softly. She sure as hell hoped it was the right thing.
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