Hope from the depths of the Waste (A Narrative - Part 5)
How does it feel when you're lost and blind
Loneliness is your only guide
And how does it feel when you're black inside
Numbness calls from your inner eye
- Dead Inside – Danzig
Hope springs eternal in the human breast; Man never Is, but always To be blest:
The soul, uneasy and confin'd from home, Rests and expatiates in a life to come.
Her father used to quote this beautiful passage by Alexander Pope to Bel over and over again until the girl had it down by heart. Able to recite it at the drop of a hat. She even believed it. She even believed the old Earth That Was fable of Pandora and her magic box. How all of the world’s ills escaped except for hope.
Bel thought long and hard about that word. Hope. It has broken her heart more times than she can imagine. She had a hope for the future. She had a hope for love. She had a hope for a family. And she lost all of them. She lost hope for outside influences. All she had left is the hope that her cousin will be back. Hope that he will live forever with his beautiful girl and have many fat happy babies and live to be an old man. She had hope that Lily finds her AuroraBlue and finally finds the happiness a… well, she didn’t know what Lily was. But she hoped she could find whatever she is looking for. She hoped Td found whatever he was looking for. She hoped Seana and Sabrina happiness in so many ways. She hoped… She hoped Immi finally found her happiness with Duncan.
She sunk down in the tub, a fine film of dust and blood laying the top. Bel made designs in the film, drawing stars and hearts and swirls while she debated on that word.
Hope.
Did she have any hope left for herself? She thought about Nina. How she went to her mother’s grave to lay some wildflowers down and found Nina waiting for her. Taia was pregnant and about to give birth.
Little Taia. The doe eyed youth that followed Nina and Bel around like a puppy as the two older girls walked the Wastes in search of food and scraps to sell. Taia was her first patient. The young girl falling and cutting her leg. The blood was intense. Coating the sand and the dirt and her clothes in a matter of minutes. Even at 13, Bel knew that the little 8 year old had cut an artery. She tore off a strip of cloth and tightened it around Taia’s leg, cutting off the blood while she wrapped it up. Her scarf was ruined now. Papa would understand. She picked Taia up and carried her on her back for the miles to the small shack she shared with her dad. He threw opened the door in surprise and tended to Taia while Bel cleaned up and Nina looked at her with an almost sense of awe. She knew then that Nina was going to be devoted to her. As she was already devoted to Nina.
Nina reminded her of Immi. Except Nina was blond with bright green eyes… contrasting with Immi’s dark look. But they were fighters. Eager to meet a reaver head on. Or a beast foaming at the mouth with madness.
Bel had followed Nina back to the tribe, greeting old friends before meeting the chief of the tribe. She gave her offering. A box of clothes for the younger tribe members who were too young to hunt for hides. He accepted gratefully, calling her Medicine Woman, the name he called her even in her youth. Even after she returned after killing Sarge.
She met with Taia and hugged the now large with child woman before examining her. It was a simple birth, nothing the natives could of handled. But she was glad she was here to see this amazing miracle of childbirth. She held the red, crying child in her arm as she cut the cord. She examined the screaming boy before handing him over to Taia. She hadn’t realized she was crying. Her face wet with tears. She dabbed them away before shy, meek little Taia called her name.
“If it is alright with you, Belize. I want to call him… Jonas Belize.”
If she wasn’t already crying, Bel would have been sobbing by now. She hugged Taia and smiled as she caressed the dark haired baby, suckling happily on Taia’s breast.
“It would be our honor, Taia. Thank you.” She called the chief in, letting Taia whisper to him before he turned to Belize with an air of authority.
“Taia wishes for you to be the guardian when the time comes. If Taia or her husband, Markus perishes. You are the mother of young Jonas Belize.”
Bel sat in the cold tub water, almost too lazy to bring herself out. She finally does, wrapping a robe around herself before heading over to the bed and sitting down. Her thoughts returning to everything she hoped for. And then she realized with an amused chuckle… that child has done the impossible. He gave her hope. It may be a flicker. It may be a spark. But it’s hope..
Loneliness is your only guide
And how does it feel when you're black inside
Numbness calls from your inner eye
- Dead Inside – Danzig
Hope springs eternal in the human breast; Man never Is, but always To be blest:
The soul, uneasy and confin'd from home, Rests and expatiates in a life to come.
Her father used to quote this beautiful passage by Alexander Pope to Bel over and over again until the girl had it down by heart. Able to recite it at the drop of a hat. She even believed it. She even believed the old Earth That Was fable of Pandora and her magic box. How all of the world’s ills escaped except for hope.
Bel thought long and hard about that word. Hope. It has broken her heart more times than she can imagine. She had a hope for the future. She had a hope for love. She had a hope for a family. And she lost all of them. She lost hope for outside influences. All she had left is the hope that her cousin will be back. Hope that he will live forever with his beautiful girl and have many fat happy babies and live to be an old man. She had hope that Lily finds her AuroraBlue and finally finds the happiness a… well, she didn’t know what Lily was. But she hoped she could find whatever she is looking for. She hoped Td found whatever he was looking for. She hoped Seana and Sabrina happiness in so many ways. She hoped… She hoped Immi finally found her happiness with Duncan.
She sunk down in the tub, a fine film of dust and blood laying the top. Bel made designs in the film, drawing stars and hearts and swirls while she debated on that word.
Hope.
Did she have any hope left for herself? She thought about Nina. How she went to her mother’s grave to lay some wildflowers down and found Nina waiting for her. Taia was pregnant and about to give birth.
Little Taia. The doe eyed youth that followed Nina and Bel around like a puppy as the two older girls walked the Wastes in search of food and scraps to sell. Taia was her first patient. The young girl falling and cutting her leg. The blood was intense. Coating the sand and the dirt and her clothes in a matter of minutes. Even at 13, Bel knew that the little 8 year old had cut an artery. She tore off a strip of cloth and tightened it around Taia’s leg, cutting off the blood while she wrapped it up. Her scarf was ruined now. Papa would understand. She picked Taia up and carried her on her back for the miles to the small shack she shared with her dad. He threw opened the door in surprise and tended to Taia while Bel cleaned up and Nina looked at her with an almost sense of awe. She knew then that Nina was going to be devoted to her. As she was already devoted to Nina.
Nina reminded her of Immi. Except Nina was blond with bright green eyes… contrasting with Immi’s dark look. But they were fighters. Eager to meet a reaver head on. Or a beast foaming at the mouth with madness.
Bel had followed Nina back to the tribe, greeting old friends before meeting the chief of the tribe. She gave her offering. A box of clothes for the younger tribe members who were too young to hunt for hides. He accepted gratefully, calling her Medicine Woman, the name he called her even in her youth. Even after she returned after killing Sarge.
She met with Taia and hugged the now large with child woman before examining her. It was a simple birth, nothing the natives could of handled. But she was glad she was here to see this amazing miracle of childbirth. She held the red, crying child in her arm as she cut the cord. She examined the screaming boy before handing him over to Taia. She hadn’t realized she was crying. Her face wet with tears. She dabbed them away before shy, meek little Taia called her name.
“If it is alright with you, Belize. I want to call him… Jonas Belize.”
If she wasn’t already crying, Bel would have been sobbing by now. She hugged Taia and smiled as she caressed the dark haired baby, suckling happily on Taia’s breast.
“It would be our honor, Taia. Thank you.” She called the chief in, letting Taia whisper to him before he turned to Belize with an air of authority.
“Taia wishes for you to be the guardian when the time comes. If Taia or her husband, Markus perishes. You are the mother of young Jonas Belize.”
Bel sat in the cold tub water, almost too lazy to bring herself out. She finally does, wrapping a robe around herself before heading over to the bed and sitting down. Her thoughts returning to everything she hoped for. And then she realized with an amused chuckle… that child has done the impossible. He gave her hope. It may be a flicker. It may be a spark. But it’s hope..
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