I couldn’t remember last night. I remember waking up and getting dressed; getting the cortex from Xav and then heading back home after sitting at the bar to get redressed for the bar opening. But after that… nothing. I could of did or said something and I don’t know what?!
Then this morning. This morning I woke up in pajamas and the wig Bridgette gave me for fun times lying on the bed beside me. My head hurt like crazy and I couldn’t focus my eyes for the longest time. I felt like going back to sleep. I haven’t done that in awhile. It felt like I didn’t do it last night either. It was like a hundred days of not sleeping just… crashed onto me in one fell swoop.
If it wasn’t for Xav waving me on the cortex, I would of never got out of bed. I knew what that meant. Appointment time… and I was nervous as hell to go. I waited for my ride, Logan behind the wheel of the transport, and we headed off to the Golden Sun.
I stripped down to my skivvies and lay down on the table, glad that Bridgette at least put down a blanket to keep it warm. I really wish I didn’t have to strip down for Xav. But he insisted. I could tell he was nervous and that made me nervous too. We just found each other. And I don’t know what I would do if I lost Xav... I could only imagine what he was going through.
He strapped some kind of helmet on my head, complete with chinstrap. I had to take my glasses off, but I kept my eyes close, I wish I could get my eye color back. Bridgette says my eyes are pretty…
It was a long ordeal. He asked me all kinds of questions. My name, age, where I was born. Mama’s name, Papa’s name, the date and his name. What ship are they on, who’s the captain and what was the last planet we visited before dropping me off. Very factual questions. Things with real answers.
Then he got personal. Who was my first love? My best friend, my fondest memory of Papa, my last memory of Mama. My last memory of Blackburne before I came back home.
I squeezed my eyes shut as I answered as best as I can. Describing the sights and smells of Blackburne, the people I love and adore.
After what felt like hours laying down and answering questions, I finally got to sit up. Bridgette got me dressed and we headed to the kitchen while Xav worked his magic. I caught up with JJ and Logan. Even Maggie made an appearance. JJ gave me a gear necklace. Said it was to remind me of him. I thought it was sweet.
Logan sat there and just watched and listened. Arms crossed in front of him while he soaked up the conversation. It was nice. Calm and enjoyable. I didn’t feel on display or anything.
After about an hour or so, Xav walked in and asked to see me.
Privately.
Bridgette gave my hand a squeeze and I got up to follow Xav. After we entered the office and he shut the door, he twirled and hugged me so hard. I cried out. It hurt so much I could barely see straight for a minute. Of course he freaked out and knew what it was from.
He sat me down and then sat down in front of me and finally I was told what was wrong with me.
Fear, shock, anger, sadness. It was all a swirl in my body and I could barely breathe. I knew immediately it was because of Blackburne. And then I knew there couldn’t be a God.
No God would take away the things I loved then subject me to this. No God could be this cruel!
We discussed treatments and we agreed on one. He wanted to do it immediately, but I wanted to wait. The ball is next week. I wanted that event to be a happy one for everyone.
He reluctantly agreed and said that right after the ball I was to come back to the Golden Sun for treatment.
I didn’t know what to after getting back to Blackburne. So much to think about. Too much to do… I hadn’t seen my parents’ graves since before I left. I had to go.
But I shouldn’t of. I crossed the mountains and headed into the Wastes. It was tiresome and I stressed myself too much. I knew it was a mistake. Maybe I should of waited for Nack.
I got lost. I couldn’t tell east from west. Everything looked the same. My head started hurting so bad. And I couldn’t see my sight was so blurry. I guess I passed out.
If it wasn’t for Immi and Til and everyone else finding me, I would of died out there. I know it. They hurried me onto Til’s hopper and we ran out of there. I still don’t know why. I laid down in the backseat. I couldn’t find my parent’s graves. I couldn’t cry. I just couldn’t. I evidently passed out again and when I woke up, I was in Blackburne again. In the Med pav.
Everyone was there. I coughed up enough sand to make a beach. Til gave me an IV and Lexxie gave me my pills. I felt better almost immediately but then Immi showed up. She yelled at me and I knew she was scared.
I don’t want anyone worrying about me. No one. I can going to be okay. If.. I don’t, I don’t want them to spend one day agonizing over how to save me. If I do… then no harm done. I will take their anger when and if that happens. But she took one look at me and I knew she knew. I knew she knew and she knew I knew. And I denied it. Told her to stop worrying.
Now I have to worry about how I am going to survive the next week with Immi staring at me and knowing. How am I going to keep up appearances? And how does one say Good Bye for good?
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