Everyone I love, Goes Away In The End (A Narrative - Part 4)
When I awoke today, suddenly nothing happened
But in my dreams, I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path, and up this cobbled lane
I'm walking in my old footsteps, once again
And you say, just be here now
Forget about the past, your mask is wearing thin
Let me throw one more dice
I know that I can win
I'm waiting for my real life to begin.
-Waiting For My Real Life To Begin – Colin Hay
There was too much blood, too much to see through. She fought in vain to find the leak. Her body shaking as she squinted behind her mask and glasses. Bel recited her song, singing in Japanese the song about the rabbit on the moon. She barely noticed the young woman standing across from her, suctioning up the blood from the wound. The heartbeat pinging on the monitor next to her was like a mantra…
Live… Live… Live… Live…
So when the beeping stopped. And all she could hear was the long whine of a heart not beating, Bel sprung into action. Injecting adrenaline into the still heart before trying desperately to revive the young man striving to be an Alliance soldier. The young man who had a dark spot in his heart for Browncoats because they killed his pa. She shocked his heart, pounded on it, massaged it.
By the time it was over, Bel was covered in blood and there was one less boy to become a soldier of a faction she hated above all else. But she didn’t see a potential threat lying on that table. She saw a young boy, cut from his prime. Never able to make a decision that could change his life forever.
The young assistant left, probably to tell the doctor on duty what had happened. It was enough time for Bel’s Irish to come up. She looked at the boy and all she could see was a waste. If his mother had brought him in earlier. He would have been okay. A simple operation to fix his heart. A simple operation to fix it and all his mother had to do was take him to his doctor.
That was all it took for Bel to get angry. Very angry. Her hand clutched the scalpel, tight and cold even through her glove. She turned and threw the scalpel at the door, barely missing the tall black haired doctor that had just walked through it. He looked over his shoulder at the quivering scalpel imbedded into the dark wood of the door. He didn’t look scared. He didn’t even look shaken. He casually and quietly reached up and tugged at the scalpel, a puzzled look in his face before he really pulled, tugging at the metal tool before walking over to Bel and setting it on the table beside her. He pulled a sheet over the young man before turning to her.
“Im sorry.” His hazel eyes looked over her as if he expected her to lose it right then and there. The scar never taking away from his handsomeness, nor his intelligence as it zig-zagged along his features from temple to chin. An Alliance doctor from the war, jaded by the politics of it all and finally leaving the Alliance to help Browncoats and Alliance alike. Bel instantly found a mentor in him. Standing in awe of his brilliance and his intelligence as well as his dedication to actually helping people. He leaned against the table and watched her while she pulled off her mask.
“Thank you, Jared. It is just a waste. He was barely 16. So much to live.” She tossed the mask across the room before leaning forward until her forehead was planted on his chest and she was looking down at his feet.
Uniforms were not really needed. No doctor’s coat. No staunch suit. Bel still feels overdressed compared when she shows up in a vest, shirt and pants. Jared always wearing a flannel shirt and pants with jeans. At the moment, she looked down at his boots and sighed before shaking her head. “This is the one thing I hate about this, Jared.”
She felt his arms wrap around her shoulders and he chuckled lightly. “The day you love something like this, Jiji, I will certainly make sure you realize it.” He lifts her head with his fingers under her chin and he smiles. “You should of seen me the day I lost my first patient. I got so drunk that I was sure I enlisted in the Alliance twice. So don’t go beating yourself up.”
Bel had to laugh. She didn’t have the heart to tell him that he wasn’t her first patient lost. She had lost dozens on Blackburne and Hale’s and she had learned a long time ago to deal with it. Just this time with everything that happened to her the past few months. And now this morning. She felt herself snap.
She shouldn’t have opened that cortex this morning. The letter was short. Brief. Exactly the way she expected it to be. He wasn’t coming back. He was never coming back. He walked away and left his friends and family behind and even though she knew this was going to happen, it still killed her. She lost so much already. And now… she lost the only real rock in her life. She felt afraid to put her trust and faith in anyone else. She didn’t even cry when she found out he left. Not a tear. And she refused to. No more tears for those that walk away willingly. They made their choice.
She heard the sigh and she looked up at Jared before nodding. “I don’t act like this. I promise. Im more professional.” She shrugged as she turned away and started taking off her apron. “I have to inform his mother.” She felt the tug on her shirt before she turned to look at him.
“Not like that you aren’t.” She looked down at herself and sighed. Her white sleeves where stained with blood and so was her pants and chest. Anywhere the apron didn’t cover, she was..
“I will take care of the mother. You clean up. Go home. Have some tea. Take a bath.” He reached over and cupped her cheek as he spoke. “Tell Sarah hi for me.” With that, he left into the next room to tell the mother.
Bel lifted herself up from the table and took one look at the child before shaking her head. “I hope you find peace, Peter Jacobs. I hope you find peace.” She grabbed a lab coat from the hook by the door, covering herself up so no one would see the blood as she walked out the door and headed back home, her thoughts shifting from love lost… to family dwindling into nothing.
But in my dreams, I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path, and up this cobbled lane
I'm walking in my old footsteps, once again
And you say, just be here now
Forget about the past, your mask is wearing thin
Let me throw one more dice
I know that I can win
I'm waiting for my real life to begin.
-Waiting For My Real Life To Begin – Colin Hay
There was too much blood, too much to see through. She fought in vain to find the leak. Her body shaking as she squinted behind her mask and glasses. Bel recited her song, singing in Japanese the song about the rabbit on the moon. She barely noticed the young woman standing across from her, suctioning up the blood from the wound. The heartbeat pinging on the monitor next to her was like a mantra…
Live… Live… Live… Live…
So when the beeping stopped. And all she could hear was the long whine of a heart not beating, Bel sprung into action. Injecting adrenaline into the still heart before trying desperately to revive the young man striving to be an Alliance soldier. The young man who had a dark spot in his heart for Browncoats because they killed his pa. She shocked his heart, pounded on it, massaged it.
By the time it was over, Bel was covered in blood and there was one less boy to become a soldier of a faction she hated above all else. But she didn’t see a potential threat lying on that table. She saw a young boy, cut from his prime. Never able to make a decision that could change his life forever.
The young assistant left, probably to tell the doctor on duty what had happened. It was enough time for Bel’s Irish to come up. She looked at the boy and all she could see was a waste. If his mother had brought him in earlier. He would have been okay. A simple operation to fix his heart. A simple operation to fix it and all his mother had to do was take him to his doctor.
That was all it took for Bel to get angry. Very angry. Her hand clutched the scalpel, tight and cold even through her glove. She turned and threw the scalpel at the door, barely missing the tall black haired doctor that had just walked through it. He looked over his shoulder at the quivering scalpel imbedded into the dark wood of the door. He didn’t look scared. He didn’t even look shaken. He casually and quietly reached up and tugged at the scalpel, a puzzled look in his face before he really pulled, tugging at the metal tool before walking over to Bel and setting it on the table beside her. He pulled a sheet over the young man before turning to her.
“Im sorry.” His hazel eyes looked over her as if he expected her to lose it right then and there. The scar never taking away from his handsomeness, nor his intelligence as it zig-zagged along his features from temple to chin. An Alliance doctor from the war, jaded by the politics of it all and finally leaving the Alliance to help Browncoats and Alliance alike. Bel instantly found a mentor in him. Standing in awe of his brilliance and his intelligence as well as his dedication to actually helping people. He leaned against the table and watched her while she pulled off her mask.
“Thank you, Jared. It is just a waste. He was barely 16. So much to live.” She tossed the mask across the room before leaning forward until her forehead was planted on his chest and she was looking down at his feet.
Uniforms were not really needed. No doctor’s coat. No staunch suit. Bel still feels overdressed compared when she shows up in a vest, shirt and pants. Jared always wearing a flannel shirt and pants with jeans. At the moment, she looked down at his boots and sighed before shaking her head. “This is the one thing I hate about this, Jared.”
She felt his arms wrap around her shoulders and he chuckled lightly. “The day you love something like this, Jiji, I will certainly make sure you realize it.” He lifts her head with his fingers under her chin and he smiles. “You should of seen me the day I lost my first patient. I got so drunk that I was sure I enlisted in the Alliance twice. So don’t go beating yourself up.”
Bel had to laugh. She didn’t have the heart to tell him that he wasn’t her first patient lost. She had lost dozens on Blackburne and Hale’s and she had learned a long time ago to deal with it. Just this time with everything that happened to her the past few months. And now this morning. She felt herself snap.
She shouldn’t have opened that cortex this morning. The letter was short. Brief. Exactly the way she expected it to be. He wasn’t coming back. He was never coming back. He walked away and left his friends and family behind and even though she knew this was going to happen, it still killed her. She lost so much already. And now… she lost the only real rock in her life. She felt afraid to put her trust and faith in anyone else. She didn’t even cry when she found out he left. Not a tear. And she refused to. No more tears for those that walk away willingly. They made their choice.
She heard the sigh and she looked up at Jared before nodding. “I don’t act like this. I promise. Im more professional.” She shrugged as she turned away and started taking off her apron. “I have to inform his mother.” She felt the tug on her shirt before she turned to look at him.
“Not like that you aren’t.” She looked down at herself and sighed. Her white sleeves where stained with blood and so was her pants and chest. Anywhere the apron didn’t cover, she was..
“I will take care of the mother. You clean up. Go home. Have some tea. Take a bath.” He reached over and cupped her cheek as he spoke. “Tell Sarah hi for me.” With that, he left into the next room to tell the mother.
Bel lifted herself up from the table and took one look at the child before shaking her head. “I hope you find peace, Peter Jacobs. I hope you find peace.” She grabbed a lab coat from the hook by the door, covering herself up so no one would see the blood as she walked out the door and headed back home, her thoughts shifting from love lost… to family dwindling into nothing.
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