The pain is intense; my heart throbbing in both anger and despair. I look out at the black from my bunk and all I can think about is the past week of events. How everything can flip on a dime and make everything so topsy-turvy that I can’t even look straight.
Immi.., held by her father. Being sold to the highest bidder. And all I could think of was Sarge. How he gussied me up at 16 only to sell ME to the highest bidder. How I felt. Distraught and despair and anger and… more than anger. RAGE. Pure and heated Rage. Boiling in my blood RAGE. It would be very satisfying to stick a needle in him and watch his skin melt and his blood boil and the look of pain across his face. Its one thing to have a stranger try to sell you. But your own father!? There is a special level of hell for that kind of person. And I intend to send him there.
Lily… Holy Crow. Just when I thought I could get used to her antics. When I could really be comfortable around her ways. Taking that thing off her head was brutal. It took all my concentration not to let that scalpel slip. I was happy she survived. Happy that we could now have this opportunity to get to know each other. But that was a lost cause. The minute she threw a tantrum and I had to scream at her to get her to listen. Immi is missing! Don’t you care? And then she accused my cousin. My hand stung from the slap to her face. She is worthless to me now. This was unforgivable.
Xav… She didn’t know him. Never saw him shake with drug withdrawal; cry and vomit for days on end. It took close to two weeks… if not longer to get that poison out of his system. Td had thought I was off to school. No matter what Xav’s past, I was his cousin. We were all we had left. To this day he still has that pain. And he knows the only way to let his victims heal is to let them think he is some evil monster. Who would of thought I would know one of his victims? Its no wonder he drugged himself to ease the pain. Near dead when I got to him. But no one cares about him except for Bridgette and myself.
When I contacted Xav about Immi, he told me do what I can. He even offered his inheritance, going through channels to make it available to me at any moment. If buying Immi back didn’t help…
Duncan… Goddess… what do I do about him? Knowing we took off without him will kill him. But I couldn’t contact him. Wherever he was it was unreachable. I wish he was here. But then… I am glad he’s not as well.
Being on this ship is torture. Lily accusing me and Xav of all sorts of things. Following me around. Making comments. I try to sit and zen. To close my eyes and sing the rhyme my father taught me. But it’s no use. Everyone coddles her. Even Td. Who all but rewarded her for acting the way she was.
She said I shoved my way into the family. I guess I don’t belong there. When this mission is complete, and Immi is safe in Td’s arms, I will go. I will go back with Xav and the Golden Dawn and let them be whatever they want to be. And Lily can have them all to herself. Just the way she wants it.
The stars seem to hover as we move towards Persephone. I don’t know if I will make it out alive. I don’t know if I want to make it out alive. So, I made the arrangements. If the money isn’t gone… a quarter to Seana and Sabs… a quarter to Nack and Lauralai… a quarter to Duncan… and a quarter to Immi and Td. They can use the money to do whatever they want.
Usagi usagi
Nani mite haneru
Juugoya o-tsuki-sama
Mite haneru
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