Dreams never last...
It was all a dream. A dream that I knew was going to end soon. I knew that from the beginning. But I let myself fall too deep. Fall too far.
Sometimes dreams are just that… dreams. And dreams are meant to be waken up from.
I find myself in a predicament. Wondering what to do while I watch from a distance, the happy shiny couples. The dancing and twirling of men and women who look deep into each other’s eyes. The love and affection. The future they share in a knowing glance.
I know I will never see those lights in a man’s eyes or feel the stroke of his fingers along my cheek. I could go be a companion. But I am not made to take orders. So… the choice is mine.
I already left Blackburne and Hale’s once. Can I truly leave my homes again? Never to see Immi or Lily or Seana and Sabrina again?
I did run. For awhile. To my place in Serenity. The beautiful country Duncan showed me with the clear waters and green grass. I sent a cortex to my cousin.,, telling him that I may need Plumb to come pick me up at a moment’s notice.
Then Duncan came. I left his name on the permissions on the door. He threw it open like there was a fire. And he looked at me.
My gods he is beautiful. But I can never say that again. Never touch his lapels, play with his mustache. Kiss him.
That will be what I miss the most. His hugs and touches will have to last me for a lifetime.
He told me I was a fool. And he told me so much. I made him promise not to leave… neither him or Immi leave because of me. If I was to go back. We would all stick it out.
He agreed. And I agreed to come back. I went into the bathroom and cut my hair. Letting each piece drop over my shoulders and onto the floor. I took a scrap and placed it in one of my books before I slid into the suit I only wore once. My armor for as long as I felt weak.
The trip back was long. And all I could think of was what I would do and say to Immi when I saw her.
What a fool I am. What a horrible, sad, little fool.
Gallagher thought I would kill myself. And given the chance, I may have. But I thought of something. How everyone thought I was strong. How I was brave. And I was thinking of taking the coward’s way out.
Time will tell how I will move on. I will bury myself in my work. Doing what I can to help the people that I care for the most. Maybe someday there will be a moment where my heart opens to hope again.
And another horse crosses my path.
For now, I am the Queen of Lost Cause.
Sometimes dreams are just that… dreams. And dreams are meant to be waken up from.
I find myself in a predicament. Wondering what to do while I watch from a distance, the happy shiny couples. The dancing and twirling of men and women who look deep into each other’s eyes. The love and affection. The future they share in a knowing glance.
I know I will never see those lights in a man’s eyes or feel the stroke of his fingers along my cheek. I could go be a companion. But I am not made to take orders. So… the choice is mine.
I already left Blackburne and Hale’s once. Can I truly leave my homes again? Never to see Immi or Lily or Seana and Sabrina again?
I did run. For awhile. To my place in Serenity. The beautiful country Duncan showed me with the clear waters and green grass. I sent a cortex to my cousin.,, telling him that I may need Plumb to come pick me up at a moment’s notice.
Then Duncan came. I left his name on the permissions on the door. He threw it open like there was a fire. And he looked at me.
My gods he is beautiful. But I can never say that again. Never touch his lapels, play with his mustache. Kiss him.
That will be what I miss the most. His hugs and touches will have to last me for a lifetime.
He told me I was a fool. And he told me so much. I made him promise not to leave… neither him or Immi leave because of me. If I was to go back. We would all stick it out.
He agreed. And I agreed to come back. I went into the bathroom and cut my hair. Letting each piece drop over my shoulders and onto the floor. I took a scrap and placed it in one of my books before I slid into the suit I only wore once. My armor for as long as I felt weak.
The trip back was long. And all I could think of was what I would do and say to Immi when I saw her.
What a fool I am. What a horrible, sad, little fool.
Gallagher thought I would kill myself. And given the chance, I may have. But I thought of something. How everyone thought I was strong. How I was brave. And I was thinking of taking the coward’s way out.
Time will tell how I will move on. I will bury myself in my work. Doing what I can to help the people that I care for the most. Maybe someday there will be a moment where my heart opens to hope again.
And another horse crosses my path.
For now, I am the Queen of Lost Cause.
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