Walking Backwards In My Life (A Narrative - Part 6)
Walking backwards in my life,
Seeing all that is behind me.
Not noticing the light,
That is ready to accept me.
I have broken many vows,
I have lost so many truths.
My heart feels like a rock,
Sitting heavy in my chest.
I need to turn around,
And face the life that’s for me.
I cant help but wonder now,
Who’s waiting in the light.
She stared down at the table in front of her, arms folded against her and face blank with emotion. She leaned back in the chair, the least ladylike pose she could muster. Internally, she was wondering what she was going to do. She was reciting her rabbit poem in her head over and over again.. Usagi, Usagi.. The wait was killing her. But she didn’t let one ounce of emotion come out. Instead, she focused on her breathing and tried not to let the bright lights get to her.
It seemed like eons when the door opened and the straight laced, obviously Alliance officer walked in. He sat down and opened the file, Bel didn’t even move. Didn’t even flinch. She just looked at him and continued to breath easily.
“Belize Mae Carver… Daughter of Geneva and Jonas Carver. Is that correct?” He didn’t look up, but when Bel didn’t answer, he slowly looked up at her. She recognized that look. One that meant to intimidate her. She had seen it on many a visiting soldier that landed on Blackburne and tried to seduce her into bed. As lonely as she was, she was strong enough to resist them.
“Miss Carver. I expect an answer. The faster we get this finished, the faster you can get out of here.” He looked sternly at her. The man hadn’t aged kindly. Lines of stress coating his face and she could smell enough smoke off of him to roll a cigarette just off his shirt. He was slightly overweight, but obviously out of shape, and his salt and pepper hair was drab and flat.
She sat up some and crossed her legs before she answered. “My parents were Geneva And Jonas Carver. I was born on Blackburne 26 years ago. I have no siblings. My mother died when I was 6 my father died when I was 16. Mother died from an illness, Father died when he was attacked by Reavers.” She saw his expression at the mention of Reavers and she continued. “I witnessed it and ran. A… man saved me and we parted ways. I lived with the nomads of the Blackburne Wastes until I traveled into town and got a job. I learned a good portion of my medical training from my certified doctor father, then more from various doctors that came into Blackburne. What I didn’t know, I learned on my own.” She tilts her head. “Anything else?”
He watched her then glanced at the mirror before looking down at his notes. “What happened with Peter Jacobs?” He was writing something and she didn’t care much what it was.
“He had a clot in his superior vena cava..” She dumbed it down for him. “A major valve to his heart. It could lead to a heart attack. But it was completely fixable if he had proper care before the need for surgery. If he would have seen a doctor before this that young man would still be alive.” She stared at him as she spoke, the smell of blood still strong in her memory. His baby face and bright green eyes watching her with trust before she put him under. She would never forget this one. She never really forgets any she lost. Everyday she wakes up to each and every face flashing in her memory.
He continues writing and she glances over at the mirror from the corner of her eye. She can see a bit of frustration on his face before he finally looks up. “We had a coroner look over him and Jacob’s medical records. He found nothing wrong with what you did. And that is the only reason why we are not going to throw you in jail. Now, there is one other reason why we brought you in here.” He slides two pictures across the table to her and she glances down.
Go-se….
She keeps her emotions and facial features in check as she looks over the obvious mug shots of Imrhien Fargis. One of a younger Immi. The other… taken just a few weeks ago. She shook her head and shrugged a bit. “Cant say I have ever seen this one. I see a lot of miscreants coming through the towns I help. None look like her.” She slides the pictures back over the table toward the man before he nods and puts them into the folder.
“Wait right here, Miss Carver. We may have some more questions for you.” He pulls himself out of the chair and saunters out the door. Bel shakes her head and leans back in the chair to look up into the bright lights while her eyes close. It is only the sound of the door opening and closing does she look back into the room.
This one took her by surprise. She has seen a lot of female Alliance soldiers, none looked like her. Tall, blonde and stunningly beautiful with red lips and blue eyes. All she could think of was… hot damn, I do believe Sea and Sabs would love to be in my position right now. She kept her emotions in check though as she straightened up. She felt a bit of malice toward the new person. She was the kind of person that put very woman’s self confidence in check.
She sat down and leaned forward in her seat, opening another folder and scanning through it before looking at Bel. “Miss Carver. May I call you Belize?”
“Belize is fine.” Bel muttered as she watched the lady curiously.
“Belize. You are…” She looks over her notes. “You are Xaviar Kiranov’s cousin, is that correct? His mother and your mother are sisters?”
Bel nodded yes before saying it for sure. “Yes. He… was my cousin.” Bel sniffed a bit, letting her face convey sadness as she thought about Xaviar. Hopefully they will misconstrue it as grief.
“Im sorry for your loss, Belize. Im sure the third sister has children.” She said this as a matter of factly as if Bel knew all along about a third sister.
She sat there in silence. Head mulling over the new information. Wondering what the hell was she talking about. “Third… sister?”
The woman didn’t even look up. Instead she went on as if not even hearing Bel. “Now, this is a warning. You are a brilliant surgeon and doctor. Jared Larson spoke highly of your skills. Said that you were a doctor without the certificate. Now, Belize, we know you are a Browncoat. Someone from the rim always are. And I know you would rather kill us than be with us. But you can NOT be a doctor on Persephone without a degree. I don’t know and I don’t care what they do out there in the rim with the undignified people but if you want to be a doctor, you have to follow us, do you understand Miss Carver?”
She looked at Bel and then blinked in surprise as Bel laughed at her. “Sweetheart, I have seen things you will never believe or understand. So that speech and that look… will never work on me. Until you are face to face with a snarling, nasty, smelly Reaver who would rather eat your heart out than shake your hand, you will never understand. As for the undignified people of the rim? At least we don’t go killing off innocent men and women for the sake of science. Or have you forgotten Miranda? Now, am I free to go or do I have to call my lawyer?” She mentally thought of Walter and wondered if he was the force to be reckoned with that Sarah said he was.
The look on Blondie’s face was that of someone who didn’t think anyone on the rim knew big words. Bel took this opportunity to stand up and lean in, palms flat on the table while she eyed the unnaturally blonde officer. “Now listen here, Miss.. whatever your name is. I don’t care if this throws me back into the clink with the rest of the innocent people you picked up for jaywalking or speaking their minds. I don’t care what you say. I am a doctor. A better doctor than any other doctor you have. And I am not afraid to say I am even better than Jared Larson. But if it means being a heartless robot of a corporation that finds satisfaction from killing others to gain power in the ‘verse, I would rather be a medic for the rest of my life. Now… put me in your database as an outspoken miscreant if you want. I rightly don’t care. Because I will spend the rest of my life fixing what you… so called… dignified people screwed up.”
She stands up and tilts her head to the door. “Am I free to leave?”
Blondie glared at her and pursed her lips before nodding. “Yes, Miss Carver. You are free to leave.”
Bel had never felt so much satisfaction as walking out of that room. As she turned the corner she met up with Sarah and Walter, the older woman embraced her into a bear hug that was sure to break a few ribs.
“Come on, My Bel. Lets go home.” She ushered Bel out the door and into the moonlight. Bel still wondering who the third sister is… She had an aunt. And maybe more cousins.
Seeing all that is behind me.
Not noticing the light,
That is ready to accept me.
I have broken many vows,
I have lost so many truths.
My heart feels like a rock,
Sitting heavy in my chest.
I need to turn around,
And face the life that’s for me.
I cant help but wonder now,
Who’s waiting in the light.
She stared down at the table in front of her, arms folded against her and face blank with emotion. She leaned back in the chair, the least ladylike pose she could muster. Internally, she was wondering what she was going to do. She was reciting her rabbit poem in her head over and over again.. Usagi, Usagi.. The wait was killing her. But she didn’t let one ounce of emotion come out. Instead, she focused on her breathing and tried not to let the bright lights get to her.
It seemed like eons when the door opened and the straight laced, obviously Alliance officer walked in. He sat down and opened the file, Bel didn’t even move. Didn’t even flinch. She just looked at him and continued to breath easily.
“Belize Mae Carver… Daughter of Geneva and Jonas Carver. Is that correct?” He didn’t look up, but when Bel didn’t answer, he slowly looked up at her. She recognized that look. One that meant to intimidate her. She had seen it on many a visiting soldier that landed on Blackburne and tried to seduce her into bed. As lonely as she was, she was strong enough to resist them.
“Miss Carver. I expect an answer. The faster we get this finished, the faster you can get out of here.” He looked sternly at her. The man hadn’t aged kindly. Lines of stress coating his face and she could smell enough smoke off of him to roll a cigarette just off his shirt. He was slightly overweight, but obviously out of shape, and his salt and pepper hair was drab and flat.
She sat up some and crossed her legs before she answered. “My parents were Geneva And Jonas Carver. I was born on Blackburne 26 years ago. I have no siblings. My mother died when I was 6 my father died when I was 16. Mother died from an illness, Father died when he was attacked by Reavers.” She saw his expression at the mention of Reavers and she continued. “I witnessed it and ran. A… man saved me and we parted ways. I lived with the nomads of the Blackburne Wastes until I traveled into town and got a job. I learned a good portion of my medical training from my certified doctor father, then more from various doctors that came into Blackburne. What I didn’t know, I learned on my own.” She tilts her head. “Anything else?”
He watched her then glanced at the mirror before looking down at his notes. “What happened with Peter Jacobs?” He was writing something and she didn’t care much what it was.
“He had a clot in his superior vena cava..” She dumbed it down for him. “A major valve to his heart. It could lead to a heart attack. But it was completely fixable if he had proper care before the need for surgery. If he would have seen a doctor before this that young man would still be alive.” She stared at him as she spoke, the smell of blood still strong in her memory. His baby face and bright green eyes watching her with trust before she put him under. She would never forget this one. She never really forgets any she lost. Everyday she wakes up to each and every face flashing in her memory.
He continues writing and she glances over at the mirror from the corner of her eye. She can see a bit of frustration on his face before he finally looks up. “We had a coroner look over him and Jacob’s medical records. He found nothing wrong with what you did. And that is the only reason why we are not going to throw you in jail. Now, there is one other reason why we brought you in here.” He slides two pictures across the table to her and she glances down.
Go-se….
She keeps her emotions and facial features in check as she looks over the obvious mug shots of Imrhien Fargis. One of a younger Immi. The other… taken just a few weeks ago. She shook her head and shrugged a bit. “Cant say I have ever seen this one. I see a lot of miscreants coming through the towns I help. None look like her.” She slides the pictures back over the table toward the man before he nods and puts them into the folder.
“Wait right here, Miss Carver. We may have some more questions for you.” He pulls himself out of the chair and saunters out the door. Bel shakes her head and leans back in the chair to look up into the bright lights while her eyes close. It is only the sound of the door opening and closing does she look back into the room.
This one took her by surprise. She has seen a lot of female Alliance soldiers, none looked like her. Tall, blonde and stunningly beautiful with red lips and blue eyes. All she could think of was… hot damn, I do believe Sea and Sabs would love to be in my position right now. She kept her emotions in check though as she straightened up. She felt a bit of malice toward the new person. She was the kind of person that put very woman’s self confidence in check.
She sat down and leaned forward in her seat, opening another folder and scanning through it before looking at Bel. “Miss Carver. May I call you Belize?”
“Belize is fine.” Bel muttered as she watched the lady curiously.
“Belize. You are…” She looks over her notes. “You are Xaviar Kiranov’s cousin, is that correct? His mother and your mother are sisters?”
Bel nodded yes before saying it for sure. “Yes. He… was my cousin.” Bel sniffed a bit, letting her face convey sadness as she thought about Xaviar. Hopefully they will misconstrue it as grief.
“Im sorry for your loss, Belize. Im sure the third sister has children.” She said this as a matter of factly as if Bel knew all along about a third sister.
She sat there in silence. Head mulling over the new information. Wondering what the hell was she talking about. “Third… sister?”
The woman didn’t even look up. Instead she went on as if not even hearing Bel. “Now, this is a warning. You are a brilliant surgeon and doctor. Jared Larson spoke highly of your skills. Said that you were a doctor without the certificate. Now, Belize, we know you are a Browncoat. Someone from the rim always are. And I know you would rather kill us than be with us. But you can NOT be a doctor on Persephone without a degree. I don’t know and I don’t care what they do out there in the rim with the undignified people but if you want to be a doctor, you have to follow us, do you understand Miss Carver?”
She looked at Bel and then blinked in surprise as Bel laughed at her. “Sweetheart, I have seen things you will never believe or understand. So that speech and that look… will never work on me. Until you are face to face with a snarling, nasty, smelly Reaver who would rather eat your heart out than shake your hand, you will never understand. As for the undignified people of the rim? At least we don’t go killing off innocent men and women for the sake of science. Or have you forgotten Miranda? Now, am I free to go or do I have to call my lawyer?” She mentally thought of Walter and wondered if he was the force to be reckoned with that Sarah said he was.
The look on Blondie’s face was that of someone who didn’t think anyone on the rim knew big words. Bel took this opportunity to stand up and lean in, palms flat on the table while she eyed the unnaturally blonde officer. “Now listen here, Miss.. whatever your name is. I don’t care if this throws me back into the clink with the rest of the innocent people you picked up for jaywalking or speaking their minds. I don’t care what you say. I am a doctor. A better doctor than any other doctor you have. And I am not afraid to say I am even better than Jared Larson. But if it means being a heartless robot of a corporation that finds satisfaction from killing others to gain power in the ‘verse, I would rather be a medic for the rest of my life. Now… put me in your database as an outspoken miscreant if you want. I rightly don’t care. Because I will spend the rest of my life fixing what you… so called… dignified people screwed up.”
She stands up and tilts her head to the door. “Am I free to leave?”
Blondie glared at her and pursed her lips before nodding. “Yes, Miss Carver. You are free to leave.”
Bel had never felt so much satisfaction as walking out of that room. As she turned the corner she met up with Sarah and Walter, the older woman embraced her into a bear hug that was sure to break a few ribs.
“Come on, My Bel. Lets go home.” She ushered Bel out the door and into the moonlight. Bel still wondering who the third sister is… She had an aunt. And maybe more cousins.
Comments
Post a Comment