Sarah (A Narrative - Part 1)
Sorrow lasts through this night
I'll take this piece of you
And hold for all eternity
For just one second I felt whole
As you flew right through me
Left alone with only reflections of the memory
To face the ugly girl
That's smothering me
Sitting closer than my pain
- Sorrow by Flyleaf
The trip was longer than forever, but shorter than eternity. It felt like eons has passed since she left Hale’s. She knew it was only a 14 hour trip. Too much time to think thoughts she knew she couldn’t think without breaking out the bandana that was tucked into her travel bag. So she spent the time reading. She lovingly cradled the book in her hands. Her father’s gross anatomy book. Older than her, but rebound by her Ge ge, Td. She traced her fingers along the spine before opening it up, reading over the faded notes on the border. Scribbled lines of handwriting she knew too well. Her father’s. She smiled as she started reading. She knew the words by heart; she had read the book a million times.
As she read, she had the sinking feeling someone was watching her. So she looked up into the pale cinnamon colored eyes of an elderly woman. Her snowy white hair piled on her head in a spin of braids that reminded her of those desserts she saw once when she went to her first fancy party. The woman stared at her like she knew her or knew what she was thinking.
Bel tilted her head in that matter she uses when she is confused or trying to explain away the curiosity that held her interest.
“May I help you, Ma’am?” She didn’t want to sound gruff or harsh, so she made her voice higher and lilting. The voice she used around the folk she was trying to make think she was more naive or innocent than everyone around her. The voice of deception.
“I was just wondering what has made you so sad, my child.” Her eyes pierced Bel’s and there was a moment of silence. That was when she noticed. This woman was a Shepherd. Bel had never seen a female Shepard before. Especially one this far out in the rim. She couldn’t hide her surprise. There was no use trying to. Shepherds had a way of knowing what you are thinking and feeling even when you try to hide it.
She got up from across the aisle and strapped herself in next to her before placing her hand on top of Bel’s. It was rough and weathered and tan. It felt old, but soft and caring at the same time. Bel has never been one for God. He and her came to an agreement that night she killed Sarge. She don’t believe in Him… he don’t believe in her. But as she felt the Shepherd’s hand on hers and she looked into her eyes and Bel faltered for a second.
“My name is Sarah. Sarah Perkins. Just traveling from rim planet to rim planet, finding the lost sheep.” She squeezed her hand and Bel nodded.
“Belize… Carver. Im from Blackburne. Born and raised there.” Bel felt weak, open. She smiled at her and then it was like a dam opened and everything poured out. Bel told her all. About her father, her mother.. Immi, and Td and Duncan. Lily and Seana and Sabrina. The reavers, the raiders, the bots. She told her how she cried at night, knowing that everyone but her had someone and that she was so gorram lonely that she can barely stand to be with herself. She cried, burying her face in Sarah’s shoulder and letting years of pent up frustration and sadness and grief wash over her. Her body racked with pain and guilt and fear. She felt every ounce of herself fall from her and when she looked up, Sarah just brushed her withered hand along Bel’s shaggy shorn hair and smiled at her with those bright cinnamon eyes.
“You are the ultimate martyr aren’t you, my child? Willing to sacrifice your own happiness and well being to see that every one you love finds peace and happiness. You would make a great Shepherd. We live on sacrifice.” She smiled a bit before waving down a porter and ordering some tea. She turned back to Bel, one hand along her head while the other pat along her hand. “Before you find happiness with others, My Bel, you have to find happiness within. That inner peace that makes you shine like a bright coin in the sun. I see it in you. That spark. Long forgotten and long dimmed. You have been through a lot. And you may think God has forgotten you. But He hasn’t. He loves you and in any choice you make, He will be at your side.”
Bel kept her head on Sarah’s shoulder through the trip. Book forgotten on her lap as she cradled the cup of hot tea. Sarah spoke of all the places she had been, the people and worlds she had seen. She didn’t deny reavers, she had seen them. Buried too many people because of them.
When the trip ended, Bel asked Sarah where she would go next.
“Reckon I don’t know. Suppose I will stick around here for awhile, find a hotel to hole up in. Find a church.” Sarah grabbed an old carpet bag that had seen better days from under her old seat and she hefted it up onto her deceptively strong shoulders.
“No, you will stay with me. I believe I will need a warm heart and a cool head to help me through this. My family home, I have never been there. The key recently… passed on to me by my cousin. I was going there to recharge. Bring a whole new perspective. Maybe volunteer at one of the clinics.”
The look on Sarah’s face pleased Bel and for the first time in a long while she felt that light inside of her shimmer a little brighter than before and a little warmer than usual. Bel realized that this was what she needed. A confidant. Someone to turn her in the right direction. To show her the path she should take. To give a little nudge when Bel strays.
Bel and Sarah walked side by side into the bright sun of Persephone, ready to head to Bel’s family home.
I'll take this piece of you
And hold for all eternity
For just one second I felt whole
As you flew right through me
Left alone with only reflections of the memory
To face the ugly girl
That's smothering me
Sitting closer than my pain
- Sorrow by Flyleaf
The trip was longer than forever, but shorter than eternity. It felt like eons has passed since she left Hale’s. She knew it was only a 14 hour trip. Too much time to think thoughts she knew she couldn’t think without breaking out the bandana that was tucked into her travel bag. So she spent the time reading. She lovingly cradled the book in her hands. Her father’s gross anatomy book. Older than her, but rebound by her Ge ge, Td. She traced her fingers along the spine before opening it up, reading over the faded notes on the border. Scribbled lines of handwriting she knew too well. Her father’s. She smiled as she started reading. She knew the words by heart; she had read the book a million times.
As she read, she had the sinking feeling someone was watching her. So she looked up into the pale cinnamon colored eyes of an elderly woman. Her snowy white hair piled on her head in a spin of braids that reminded her of those desserts she saw once when she went to her first fancy party. The woman stared at her like she knew her or knew what she was thinking.
Bel tilted her head in that matter she uses when she is confused or trying to explain away the curiosity that held her interest.
“May I help you, Ma’am?” She didn’t want to sound gruff or harsh, so she made her voice higher and lilting. The voice she used around the folk she was trying to make think she was more naive or innocent than everyone around her. The voice of deception.
“I was just wondering what has made you so sad, my child.” Her eyes pierced Bel’s and there was a moment of silence. That was when she noticed. This woman was a Shepherd. Bel had never seen a female Shepard before. Especially one this far out in the rim. She couldn’t hide her surprise. There was no use trying to. Shepherds had a way of knowing what you are thinking and feeling even when you try to hide it.
She got up from across the aisle and strapped herself in next to her before placing her hand on top of Bel’s. It was rough and weathered and tan. It felt old, but soft and caring at the same time. Bel has never been one for God. He and her came to an agreement that night she killed Sarge. She don’t believe in Him… he don’t believe in her. But as she felt the Shepherd’s hand on hers and she looked into her eyes and Bel faltered for a second.
“My name is Sarah. Sarah Perkins. Just traveling from rim planet to rim planet, finding the lost sheep.” She squeezed her hand and Bel nodded.
“Belize… Carver. Im from Blackburne. Born and raised there.” Bel felt weak, open. She smiled at her and then it was like a dam opened and everything poured out. Bel told her all. About her father, her mother.. Immi, and Td and Duncan. Lily and Seana and Sabrina. The reavers, the raiders, the bots. She told her how she cried at night, knowing that everyone but her had someone and that she was so gorram lonely that she can barely stand to be with herself. She cried, burying her face in Sarah’s shoulder and letting years of pent up frustration and sadness and grief wash over her. Her body racked with pain and guilt and fear. She felt every ounce of herself fall from her and when she looked up, Sarah just brushed her withered hand along Bel’s shaggy shorn hair and smiled at her with those bright cinnamon eyes.
“You are the ultimate martyr aren’t you, my child? Willing to sacrifice your own happiness and well being to see that every one you love finds peace and happiness. You would make a great Shepherd. We live on sacrifice.” She smiled a bit before waving down a porter and ordering some tea. She turned back to Bel, one hand along her head while the other pat along her hand. “Before you find happiness with others, My Bel, you have to find happiness within. That inner peace that makes you shine like a bright coin in the sun. I see it in you. That spark. Long forgotten and long dimmed. You have been through a lot. And you may think God has forgotten you. But He hasn’t. He loves you and in any choice you make, He will be at your side.”
Bel kept her head on Sarah’s shoulder through the trip. Book forgotten on her lap as she cradled the cup of hot tea. Sarah spoke of all the places she had been, the people and worlds she had seen. She didn’t deny reavers, she had seen them. Buried too many people because of them.
When the trip ended, Bel asked Sarah where she would go next.
“Reckon I don’t know. Suppose I will stick around here for awhile, find a hotel to hole up in. Find a church.” Sarah grabbed an old carpet bag that had seen better days from under her old seat and she hefted it up onto her deceptively strong shoulders.
“No, you will stay with me. I believe I will need a warm heart and a cool head to help me through this. My family home, I have never been there. The key recently… passed on to me by my cousin. I was going there to recharge. Bring a whole new perspective. Maybe volunteer at one of the clinics.”
The look on Sarah’s face pleased Bel and for the first time in a long while she felt that light inside of her shimmer a little brighter than before and a little warmer than usual. Bel realized that this was what she needed. A confidant. Someone to turn her in the right direction. To show her the path she should take. To give a little nudge when Bel strays.
Bel and Sarah walked side by side into the bright sun of Persephone, ready to head to Bel’s family home.
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